Re: Pick Up Artist
I have a few bones to pick with your assessment of how pickup artists
work.
1. "Essentially, what these men have done is insulted women until they feel so insecure that they're willing to give a loser like them a chance."
This is a fairly common misunderstanding. First off, while such 'negs' can lower the self-esteem of women, this only balances the scales; in a club environment most women have higher opinions of themselves than they should because they are being approached by men they can shoot down, whereas the opposite rarely takes place.
Secondly, it acts as a disqualifier, by showing that the man isn't interested, even though he is. Most women are accustomed to men coming up and complimenting them and the like. Compliments are nice, but the plain fact is that compliments from a man to a woman who isn't already interested in him acts to put her on her guard, because she knows he is interested in her. By disqualifying himself, the pick-up artist can get past those barriers to simply have a conversation with a woman.
2. "That is, if you deprive them of their income (don't tip), fail to give them your attention ("I'm just not in that mind space right now") or insult them ("where are all the cute girls?"), they will do anything to get your attention, including make out in the limo outside."
This shows a vast lack of understanding of male-female mating interaction. While people have different tastes and desires, attraction is fundamentally about status, this is shown by the language we use to talk about who we could be with ("she is out of my league, i am out of his league, he's not good enough for me, i can't be with someone who has no ambition, etc etc"). A strip club is all about starting out with the status tilted in the favor of the strippers, as they are the ones wielding their sexuality to get money, and are constantly getting attention from all the men who come in to watch them. The pick-up artist has to go to extremes to display that he is not intimidated by her (artificially inflated) status. It may be manipulative, but it is certainly necessary to counter the distorting effects to status caused by strip clubs and bars and other hangouts.
3. "The women are conquered; the men move on. The goal is not to find a girlfriend, but to "close" with a kiss (or a sad makeout session in a limo)."
This is simply incorrect. The show was about teaching men these skills and having them practice them, which they can't do in a relationship. But in the real world, if a guy wants to be with a girl, ain't no amount of "skills" or "lessons" or anything else gonna stop him. A "close" indicates interest, whatever the close may be (phone number, kiss, whatever) and simply indicates both parties' willingness to continue down the path they have started, whether it leads to a relationship or not.
4. "But they're also taught to stick to the script."
They are taught to stick to the script in the opening part of meeting a woman, when women have a inherently huge advantage due to the fact that status for men doesn't transfer to other places as well as status for women transfers (a powerful man in the boardroom is not necessarily powerful in the club or coffee shop or anywhere else, but a beautiful woman is beautiful anywhere). However, once the 'meet cute' part is over and dates commence, people are free to be themselves. Is it so terrible that men have a script that shows at the start how valuable they really are, rather than a woman judge him on the little of him she sees at the start? Even then the script isn't a hard set of lines but rather a pattern of interaction, for which existing lines are often used in order to get practice with the pattern. Should a man really have to come up with a new line every time he wants to chat with somebody new?
5. "They're told to aim for the best looking woman in the room, not the shy woman in the corner who's as nervous as they are."
This sounds more bitter than anything else. Why aren't you complaining about the fact that the beautiful women aren't aiming for the shy guys in the room? The plain fact is we all are attracted to certain things; why is it so horrible to improve yourself to get what you want, rather than trying to change what you want?
6. "What happens when they run out of script?"
Its called a relationship, which is largely about finding a compatible person. But to find a compatible person, you have to meet a compatible person. Why condemn a system that makes meeting new people easier?
James Anderson
jimmywander@gmail.com
