The Slug

Danny and Oswald Dance Off "Amazing Race"

(AP Photo/HO/CBS/Robert Voets)

Yes, we know. We're rude little pigs for not following along with "Amazing Race: All Stars" this season. The episodes have just sorta been lingering in The Slug's DVR like voicemails from Alec Baldwin. We were mostly able to catch up this weekend including with last night's thrilling new episode, which featured one ultra sensitive GPS gadget and the last elimination before next week's finale.

Poor Danny and Oswald. They were the supreme court jesters of this season and they missed their chance at the $1 million to the likes of those toothy cheerleaders and sad sacks Eric and Danielle. Looks like we'll be rooting for Charla next week. That's right. Just Charla. Not Mirna. We're hoping for a race first: ditching your annoying partner before crossing the finish line.

Bruce Willis Goes There

(AP Photo/HO/Vanity Fair/Annie Leibovitz)

A rugged and big-headed-lookin' Bruce Willis is gracing the June cover of Vanity Fair. (Wait a sec. Wasn't Demi Moore just on the cover, too?) In case you hadn't heard amid the hullabaloo over superheroes and pirates, "Live Free and Die Hard" (or "Die Hard 4," as we like to call it) is hitting theaters this summer. So, after all these years, does Willis still got it? He doesn't think so, at least when it comes to media attention. What does he blame for his lack of press coverage? Naked vaginas, of course. Here's what he told the magazine:

“They’re not writing about guys my age much anymore, unless I do something naughty. They’re writing about the kids. That’s what drives the pop culture now. Anything goes, to the point when if it’s OK for young pop stars or film stars to show photos of their naked vaginas in a magazine, then it’s over, man."

Which Games Shouldn't Walk the Plank?

(AP Photo/J. Pat Carter)

We need your assistance, matey. Our next installment of Up Down Left Right, asap's weekly gamer video, will be a treasure chest full of commentary on pirate-themed video games. Let Cap'n Slug know yer favoritest pirate wares at theslug@ap.org so they be included in our round-up. ("Age of Pirates," the "Monkey Island" series and "Sid Mier's Pirates!" are already aboard. Argh!) And, in case you missed it, check out this week's Up Down Left Right starring this summer's scurvy movie adaption titles.

"Drive" Bye

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Don't say we didn't try, "Drive." That potentially great show about an illegal cross-country road race won't reach the finish line. As you may have heard, Fox canceled it. Sigh. And we were just adjusting to the idea of substituting our hearty diet of "Heroes" and "Lost" this summer with "Drive." As if this news wasn't bad enough, we had to motor through these pun-fueled headlines about the cancellation.

• Fox Slams Brakes on "Drive" [MediaWeek]
• "Drive" Runs Out of Gas [Variety]
• Fox Impounds "Drive" [ComingSoon]
• "Drive" Gets the Shaft at Fox [iF Magazine]
• Fox Revokes License to "Drive" [Zap2It.com]
• "Drive" Drives Away [Sound the Sirens]

Favoritiest Photo of the Week: Mannequin

(AP Photo/NIPA)

Dude, at first glance, this Favoritest Photo of the Week looks like it could be some crazy elaborately setup Gregory Crewdson photo or something, but it's real — and totally awesome. Apparently, those unarmed legs were part of some Estonian looting and vandalism. The original caption:

With a part of a mannequin which was apparently stolen from a shop by looters, in the background, Estonian police cordon a battle-scarred street of Tallinn shortly after riots early Friday, April 27, 2007. Overnight clashes, looting and vandalism were sparked by the government's move to relocate the Bronze Soldier — a monument to Red Army soldiers killed fighting the Nazis. (AP Photo/NIPA)

Knocked Up with "Lost" Questions

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Ugh. Sorry we didn't get around to posting about "Lost" yesterday. The latest episode prompted many questions about what's going on and required mucho discussion here in the asap department. Of course, we have no idea what's going on, but The Slug definitely feels like we're leading up to a war between the Oceanic Flight 815 passengers and The Others — and some sort of big revelation. E-mail your answers to theslug@ap.org.

• First and most obvious question: How did Mikhail survive? Was he able to heal?
• Was Juliet playing dumb about Sun being preggers?
• Is Kate pregnant, too? Or could that biscuit machine also dispense rubbers?
• Why was the pilot speaking several different languages when everyone else was speakin' English?
• How could the pilot not know who Desmond is yet have a photo of him?
• Who does the pilot work for?
• How was wreckage of Flight 815 found? Did Dharma or Hanso plant fake wreckage?
• What time is it? Is it still 2004 on the island and 2007 outside of the island?
• Is Juliet planning the bestest triple cross ever?

"American Idol" Gives Us an Ulcer

(AP Photo/HO/Fox/Frank Micelotta)

Can we get the two hours we spent watching last night's "Idol Gives Back" special back? Hey, The Slug loves us a good cause, but the bizarre green-screen celebrity appearances, Celine Dion's duet with a computer-generated Elvis Presley and Ryan Seacrest repeatedly promising the "most shocking" voting results in "American Idol" history and then not giving anyone the boot was just bad TV. (Of course Jack Black and Seal delivered, but that was just a five-minute cameo!) Are we crazy scrooges for hating this Very Special Episode? Nope. Two of our favoritest TV blogs — reality blurred and TVgasm — also agree. So, seriously, can we at least get our one hour and 55 minutes back?

Drew Barrymore is More Beautiful Than You

(AP Photo/Stephen Chernin)

Drew Barrymore has been selected as People magazine's covergirl for this year's "100 Most Beautiful" list. Yawn. What's more interesting than that news is People's "Stars Without Makeup" feature in the issue starring the likes of Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel and Barrymore au natural. It's probably just shameless, but the seventh star without makeup in the online version is a form to subscribe to People. Funny. We actually prefer it with a little mascara.

Have a Cow, Man

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Is it 1994 again? "The Simpsons" movie is driving into multiplexes this summer and now Universal Studios Orlando officially announced that a "Simpsons" motion-simulator ride will take over the space previously occupied by the "Back to the Future" ride. The new attraction will thrust visitors into an adventure through Krusty Land. Sounds totally rad, dude.
   
We remember a time when we were much younger when "The Simpsons" lived alongside "Married with Children" and "In Living Color" on Fox. Bart Simpson was plastered everywhere. And although we didn't get the jokes back then, we appreciate them now. With these new — or maybe late? — forays into expensive new mediums, the 20-year-old franchise is experiencing a most interesting pop cultural renaissance.

Who Should Replace Rosie?

Are you sitting down? Rosie O'Donnell is leaving "The View." We're not sure how we'll be able to continue watching the daytime hen party without Star Jones or Rosie O'Donnell. They were forces to be reckoned with. Joy Behar is great and all, but she's just a severe downpour. Jones and O'Donnell were hurricanes, baby. So we're unleashing our five Rosie replacements who might help "The View" weather this storm.

'Heroes' Still Hooks Us

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

"Heroes" is back and better than ever, baby. We know that's a cliché, but it's true since this multidimensional show started out so sour last fall and has increasingly improved into its home stretch. Last night's highlights include the short-but-delicious smackdown between Peter and Sylar, Mama Petterelli acting all coy, Matt Parkman finally stepping up and Isaac's dramatic apparent death.

Question: Who could possibly be more annoying than Niki/Jessica? Answer: Shapeshifter Candice impersonating Niki/Jessica. We're starting to believe this character was introduced to make us not hate Niki/Jessica as much. It's working! Our fingers are crossed Sylar gives Candice's the slice and takes her power before season's end. For more of our thoughts of "Heroes," check out this AP video.

Lip Syncing with the Stars

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Are the celebrities on "Dancing with the Stars" getting bored with simply dancing? Last night, we caught Joey Fatone, Heather Mills, Billy Ray Cyrus, John Ratzenberger and Apolo Anton Ohno mouthing the lyrics to their songs while moving. If we wanted to watch lip syncing, we'd tune into "American Idol." (Just kidding!  We know they really sing on "Idol," right?) Oh, and that USO-themed group swing number was the hottest mess on TV. It was everything that's wrong with this show stationed in one horrible musical number. We loved every bad second of it.

Love Roller Coaster

(AP Photo/HO/Kemah Boardwalk)

The only thing The Slug loves more than powering down our brain and then watching an entire episode of "Dancing with the Stars" is standing in a sweaty line and then riding a roller coaster. Something about going upside down and venturing to the brink of vomiting is fun! With the weather heating up, soon so will road trips to America's amusement parks. But which new rides are worth waiting on line for?

To help separate the Space Mountains from the Tilt-a-Whirls, check out our super-cool asap interactive feature featuring virtual simulations of the five most anticipated new coasters in 2007. They weren't ranked or anything because we're diplomatic like that, but we'll let you in on a little secret: American Coaster Enthusiasts spokesman Steve Gzesh told The Slug he's most looking forward to the Boardwalk Bullet. It's a small woodie, but he thinks it's gonna pack quite a punch.

Give Us Some Opening Credit

(AP Photo/HO/Fox/Michael Desmond)

"Drive," the new Fox show we're trying hard to like, should learn from the ambiguously short opening credits of "Lost" and "Heroes" if it wants to maintain some mystery and suspense. Yes, we love the silky theme song by Gavin Rossdale. (It's not out yet, but you can stream it at Fox.) Yes, we aesthetically approve of the computer-generated swoops in and out of the race vehicles. (And "Drive" gets bonus points for swapping Tully's truck out for his ol' Dodge Charger last night. Did you even notice that continuity?)

However, with the absence of the sick father and one of the Louisiana ladies in the opening credits, we've just known these characters' deaths or similar such write-offs are imminent. And then last night, "Drive" delivered by knocking off one of those Lousiana women Didn't see that one coming! Yeah, right. How dare you kill off a Hurricane Katrina victim who can hear the voice of God! We have a feeling where "Drive" is going, so we're along for the ride.

Bono Just Misses Sanjaya

(AP Photo/Seth Wenig)

Jeez. Idol Gives Back, the benefit concert being produced by those "American Idol" folks this week, is quickly becoming the LiveAid of our generation or, well, the generation after ours since Woodstock '99 was supposed to be the LiveAid of our generation. Fox just announced Bono will meet with the six remaining finalists on the April 25 results show to discuss his One campaign and then the contestants will perform his song "American Prayer."

Other celebrity participants include Celine Dion; Kelly Clarkson; Gwen Stefani; Earth, Wind & Fire; Il Divo; Keira Knightley; Hugh Grant; Josh Groban; Jack Black; Rascal Flatts; Quincy Jones; Carrie Underwood; Annie Lennox and — yes, that's right, "The Queen" herself — Helen Mirren. Our fingers are crossed so hard that they'll all perform "We Are the World" together.

Are You Joking Us?

(AP Photo/International Clown Hall of Fame)

Twisted! Ain't It Cool News has posted an image believed to the make-up test shot of Heath Ledger as The Joker from the upcoming Batman flick "Dark Knight." If it's indeed real, this Joker is freakier than any that's come before. Yes, even Cesar Romero. In other superhero villain news, hold onto your golf hats because a new "Spider-Man 3" commercial that's laced with Venom has hit the airwaves.

Welcome to the Bored Room

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Corporate lawyer Stefani Schaeffer was selected as Donald Trump's latest "Apprentice" during the live finale last night. This, of course, begs the question: Who the heck is Stefani Schaeffer? Although The Slug only checked in on "The Apprentice" a few times this season, we don't remember seeing her once. We have a feeling this former "Apprentice" contestant will be more memorable.

Hiking with Timbaland

(AP Photo/Danny Moloshok)

This weekend, The Slug went hiking — yes, like, hiking outdoors — and we were able to catch up on the latest new music releases while traveling to the mountain or hill or whatever that thing was that we transversed. Our favoritest that we took along for the hike was Timbaland's "Shock Value." (That's Timbaland the producer-turned-MC, not the footwear.)  It wasn't really shocking, but we liked it, anyway.

For years, the groovemaker has been the wizard behind a curtain of acts such as Aaliyah, Missy Elliott, Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake. Now he's going it alone. Well, not really. There's so many amazing guest appearances and lyrical shenanigans that "Shock Vaule" is a like a hip-hop "Hee Haw." We're not quite sure if Timbaland deserves leading man status, but he can ride with us to the peak anytime.

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Don't Jump

(AP Photo/Jim Cooper)

After all the imagery of this week, The Slug thinks it's nice to see a photo of funnyman David Arquette — the best part of the "Scream" movies, if you ask us — wearing a nice fitting suit while standing on something in a bar near a lantern. This Favoritest Photo of the Week comes from Jim Cooper, an amazing AP photographer (with whom The Slug has worked before) who does these spontaneously vivid celebrity portraits without any Hollywood fuss. The original caption:

David Arquette is photographed at Kevin St. James Pub in New York, April 16, 2007 (AP Photo/Jim Cooper)

Waiting for Your Call

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

We admit it. Sometimes The Slug has avoided our parents' phone calls. We love 'em dearly but often have to be in the right state of mind to accept their call. We feel guilty every time and usually call back quickly after pushing the ignore button. Oh, don't you act like you've never done it, either. The thing is our mother is keenly aware of this and leaves us taunting voicemails in retaliation. "Oh, Derrik, I don't know why you don't pick up the phone," she says. "What if I fell and couldn't get up?" The motherly guilt doesn't usually phase us but after listening to this, we will never again ignore our parents' calls.Thank Alec Baldwin, mom.

Shaaaron!

(AP Photo/Gus Ruelas)

It's official. NBC has announced that acid-tongued Sharon Osbourne is replacing Brandy as a judge on "America's Got Talent," that awkward variety show that got our attention last summer with a 6' 9" drag queen who did tricks with a sword named Leonid the Magnificent. Good choice! The Slug approves. (We interviewed her once. She was delightfully honest.) Osbourne will join new host Jerry Springer and returning judges David Hasselhoff and Piers Morgan, that snippy Brit arbiter who had the sass of Simon Cowell but not the smarts. We know the lines haven't opened up yet, but can we vote to replace Piers with Leonid or someone else? Otherwise, with Piers and Osbourne behind the judges' table, NBC might as well call this show "Britain Thinks America's Got Talent."

"Heroes" Almost Here

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Are you sick of seeing the previews for "Heroes" yet? Hard to believe that Sylar's been holding Peter Pettrelli up against that wall for six weeks! Luckily, there's only one weekend to go before the cult show returns for five more episodes before going on hiatus until its second season. The cast held their season wrap party April 17. In the meantime, watch us anxiously await and slightly spoil "Heroes" in this AP video.

What to Do In Case of Reruns

(AP Photo/Eric Risberg)

May sweeps is right around the corner and you know what that means on the boob tube: unsolved mysteries, jaw-dropping revelations, sudden deaths, over-the-top weddings and then — BLAM! — reruns. Don't be blue. There's this thing called the Internet that has entertainment on it that's unlike anything on broadcast TV. Here are three of our current favorites:

Prom Queen. Take the sensibilities of "My So-Called Life" and "Beverly Hills 90210." Throw in some "Undressed" bad acting. Spread some "Passions" campiness on top and then mix it all with a bunch of YouTube videos and you've got yourself "Prom Queen," a fictional soapy online series about a group of sexed-up teenagers that's being broadcast all over the Web (and is sponsored by "Hairspray"). The best part is each episode is only 90 seconds long so there's no commitment.

TwitterTV. You may have heard about the wacky craze on the Internet called Twitter, a site that aggregates short posts from folks who reveal what they're doing at that exact moment. Sounds boring, right? But TwitterTV, developed by David Troy, makes the voyeuristic notion entertaining by plopping all the twits on a Googley map. As The Slug was watching this afternoon, someone in Mexico mundanely said "going to lunch" right before another person in Asia confessed "i just dropped white out on my new dress." Color us captivated.

Justin.TV. If peeping into peoples' lives around the world is too grand in scope, you can also narrow your Internet focus on Justin Kan. This dude is wearing a camera on the side of his head and broadcasting what he sees online 24/7. While Kan's life isn't that fascinating — he's a Web entrepreneur, not an astronaut or firefighter — peering at the media attention he's received for exposing himself from his perspective is très interesting. Plus there's a chat room underneath the streaming video so you can gossip with strangers about what's going on.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Ehhh. That Desmond episode of "Lost" was neither great nor horrible. Perhaps we just don't particularly like the character and his silly psychic visions. And now we have yet another new character to grow to distaste: the ejected non-Penny pilot. "Lost" has totally made curmudgeons out of us. If it wasn't Penny, one of those dudes from the arctic station or Mr. Ecko underneath that helmet, we wouldn't have been happy. However, we did get a little giddy seeing the Angela Lansbury look-a-like from Desmond's last episode in the photo frame on the monk's desk — even though it looked totally phony. What's with "Lost" and bad Photoshopping? Sigh. When does "Heroes" come back?

More Marvel Superhero Games on the Way

(AP Photo/HO/Sega)

Should Captain America and Thor get ready for their close-ups? With Spider-Man's third film slinging into theaters May 4 and Robert Downey Jr. and Edward Norton prepping to become "Iron Man" and "The Incredible Hulk" on the big screen, respectively, which Marvel superheroes are next line for the franchise treatment? Perhaps this is a hint: Game maker Sega announced yesterday they snatched up the rights to create both the Iron Man and Hulk and Thor and Captain America video games. Guess you'll have to keep waiting, Dazzler fans.

Guide to Celebrity Weight Loss Endorsements

(AP Photo/Victoria Arocho)

Summer is looming. Time to shed those extra pounds! But in the overweight landscape of weight-loss programs and accompanying celebrity endorsements, just who do you trust to help you look awesome in that thong bikini? An actress once married to Eddie Van Halen? A former quarterback? A former Playmate of the Year? Whoopi Goldberg? It can be confusing — especially if you're hungry. To help sort the Jenny Craigs from the Jenny McCarthys, The Slug presents our Guide to Celebrity Weight Loss Endorsements. If we're missing someone, let us know at theslug@ap.org. Happy dieting!

Don't "Drive" Us Up the Wall

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Have you been watching "Drive"? What did you think? The Slug isn't quite sure if we like it or not. While it comes from one of our favoritest TV masterminds, Tim Minear of "Wonderfalls" and "Firefly" fame, something seems a little bit meandering about this supercharged drama about an illegal road race that's reminiscent of"Lost" à la season three. Do the folks under the hood know where we're going with these characters and super-secret competition? Let's hope so. With "Prison Break" on hiatus and "Heroes" and "Lost" not far behind, we need a mysterious serial to keep us fully fueled this summer.

Getting on the Gravy "Train Wreck"

(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)

We spent the rainy weekend curled up by our fireplace with a good book — actually, just make that book. We don't want to spoil the 248 mind-numbing pages of "Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith," the new tell-all by Anna's estranged sister Donna Hogan. However, the best parts of the book were the pictures: color photos of Smith's old driver's licenses, scanned images of Smith's old diaries and an Anna Nicole Smith Family Tree fold-out. These images aren't worth 1,000 words; they're worth 1 million cringes!

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Stand Back!

(AP Photo/David Guttenfelder)

Sorry, Halle Berry. No threepeat for you. You've been beaten by a couple of sumo wrestlers. While we love any good photo of sumos, this one is our Favoritest Photo of the Week because AP photographer David Guttenfelder captured a scrawny policeman protecting the big boys as they strolled through a crowd with his arms outstretched, begging the question: Shouldn't your bodyguard be larger than you? The original caption:

A Japanese policeman guards the walk way as sumo wrestlers walk past fans outside Tokyo's Yasukuni shrine during an annual spring festival ceremony on Friday, April 13, 2007. The Yasukuni Shrine is a Shinto shrine which commemorates Japan's war dead. (AP Photo/David Guttenfelder)

Project Runway

(AP Photo/Danny Moloshok/Mary Altaffer)

The Slug is a pop-culture blog and not really a celebrity blog mostly because there are already plenty of great celebrity bloggers out there and, well, we just ain't into that sort of thing. To us, "Lost" and reality TV are more fascinating than Brit Brit's latest antics. We were reminded of this last night while attending — as a guest, not a reporter — the celebrity-soaked grand opening of Runway, a glitzy new nightspot here in New York, for two reasons:

Juliet, Oh, Juliet

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Juliet, how dare you! We've never trusted you — and now with good reason. We're still very suspicious of your past even though we were able to see a good chunk of it last night on "Lost" (which looks excellent in our HD, BTW). How did three years and an affair with Goodwin just happen on the island? And why have you and The Others allowed the castaways to make such a detrimental impact to your mad science way of life? Wait a sec. Do y'all think that not-so-fair Juliet might be — gulp! — triple crossing The Others and that last scene with Ben was meant to throw us off? At this point, we don't know who to trust except, well, Hurley.

Epcot Goes Back to the Future

(AP Photo/HO/Disney)

Mickey Mouse is sucking more 1980s goodness out of Epcot. Just days after opening a Donald Duck-infused version of the boat ride in the Mexico pavilion comes news that Walt Disney World and sponsor Siemens AG are teaming up to update the time travel-themed ride inside Spaceship Earth (aka The Giant Golf Ball). The renovation will include new lighting, audio effects and touch screens that allow riders to create their own visions of the future. What if your version of the future includes Disney rides that retain their old-school kitsch factor!?

Bravo, Bravo

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Today we had the very special pleasure of attending the Bravo upfront presentation. Network executives revealed their strategy and programming for the upcoming year. "Project Runway," "Million Dollar Listing" and "Top Chef" will be back. Elia from the second season will be hosting a new Web series about Latin cooking. And the network is on the hunt for some new "Real Housewives."

However, The Slug was most excited about seeing clips of Bravo's new shows including "Hey, Paula," the docu-ish reality show that follows loopy Paula Abdul around. In the snippet we saw, the "American Idol" judge enlisted the help of her pooches to pick out jewelry to wear to the Grammys. Abdul had to pry a diamond ring worth millions out of the mouth of one of the dogs when it attempted to gobble it up. We weren't sure whether to cringe or giggle — so we did both. Oh, Paula indeed.

The Rhythm Got the Final 8 on "Idol"

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Wow. J.Lo was a really great coach on "American Idol" last night. Unlike Gwen Stefani and Tony Bennett, the  diva wasn't shy about telling the Final 8 what to do during Latin Night. The Slug quite liked Jordin Sparks' "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You" performance. We're guessing Phil Stacey still has one more hat to wear while Haley Scarnato's shorty short desperate attempt will be her last. Meanwhile, Sanjaya Malakar, of course, will  live to make googly eyes with the camera another day.

Proud to Watch "American Gladiators"

(AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

The Slug has been a little under the weather lately (end, winter, end!) and have been watching waaay more TV than usual. Case in point: We've been reveling in the early '90s awesomeness of "American Gladiators" since ESPN Classic began rerunning the first season. We forgot all about the over-the-top Spandex costumes  and redonkulous competitions, such as Human Cannonball and Joust. (You know, the one with the giant Q-Tips.) Of all the Gladiators, we're most entertained by Malibu, the muscley California surfer dude Gladiator who sorta reminded us of Ahhnold but mysteriously vanished after the first season.

Very Special Quality Time

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

We're not sure what was more annoying on ABC last night: the dud dances on "Dancing with the Stars" or the continued nerdiness of "Bachelor" Andy Baldwin. If he said the words "very special quality time" one more time, we would've slapped his lipless face. And save for Laila Ali and Joey Fatone, the routines on "Dancing with the Stars" were neither special nor quality. We vote for a quadruple elimination tonight. Buh-bye Clyde Drexler, Cliff from "Cheers," Leeza Gibbons and — just for the heck of it — Stephanie from South Carolina.

Now Entering Middle Earth

(AP Photo/HO/Midway)

If you want to be a hobbit or elf this week and don't want to go through with ear reassignment surgery, the brand-new "Lord of the Rings Online" game is free until the official launch on April 24. Yes, this franchise is so freaking immortal that it's been turned into its very own online game. The Slug battled some beasties on our own for wee bit and found the game to be surprisingly polished and fun. In case you hadn't heard, we're starring — fine, costarring — in a new weekly asap video all about gaming called Up Down Left Right. You can watch the first installment here. Stay tuned! We'll be delving into Middle Earth in a future edition.

Aye Carumba!

(AP Photo/HO/Disney)

Rest in peace, El Rio del Tiempo. The cheesy boat ride inside Epcot's Mexico pavilion at Walt Disney World reopened under the name Gran Fiesta Tour last week. Featuring a a catchy mariachi tune throughout, the so-kitsch-we-loved-it indoor ride was a combination platter of Mexican culture, trippy projection videos, animatronic dolls and fiber-optic fireworks. It was a time capsule. It was it's a small world with salsa dumped on top. Although some of the original details remain, much of the ride has received an injection of Donald Duck. Unofficial Disney fansite Laughing Place has detailed coverage of the makeover.

2007: A Television Odyssey

(AP Photo/Matt Sayles)   

We're grinning ear to ear! The Slug finally made the complete high-definition plunge this weekend. As of Saturday, we're now fully equipped with an LCD flat screen and HD cable. After spending a copious amount of cash on our high-tech TV last month — only the best for The Slug, baby — we were trying to hold out on the HD cable upgrade but just couldn't stand the fuzziness any longer. Now we can't believe we were watching TV any other way! We can finally see the rich detail in stuff like the Discovery Channel's impeccable "Planet Earth" series and every Teri Hatcher wrinkle on "Desperate Housewives."

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Pucker Up

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

For the second week in a row, Halle Berry is the subject in our Favoritest AP Photo of the Week. When we first spotted and then fell in love with this image, we thought: "Should we!? Can we!?" Of course we should and can! This is our pop culture blog and we'll keep picking photos of Halle Berry doing zany stuff (like kissing her own Hollywood Walk of Fame star) as our Favoritest Photo as long as the Oscar winner keeps the routine going. Same time next week, Halle?

Actress Halle Berry kisses her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Los Angeles Tuesday, April 3, 2007, after induction ceremony. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

For Sale

(AP Photo/Itsuo Inouye)

Spring is here and it's time to go on an around-the-country shopping spree! First up is Las Vegas where 1,100 Jackson family items will be up for bids by Guernsey's auction house including Michael Jackson's gold record for "Thriller" and handwritten lyrics for the Jackson Five hit "ABC." Those are great and all, but The Slug is most interested in snagging Marlon Jackson's glitter jacket.

Next stop is Dallas where Heritage Auction Galleries is hocking two diaries penned by Anna Nicole Smith in the early 1990s. One entry apparently ends with five hand-drawn smiley faces. Don't bother shopping 'til you drop for famous goodies in Nashville, Tenn. The attorney general there has halted the sale of a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. Guess we'll go to Thomas Kinkade instead!

"Lost" in Photoshop

(AP Photo/HO/ABC/Bob D'Amico)

Normally this is where we would discuss last night's episode of "Lost" and perhaps write another open letter to John Locke, who has officially gone totally bananas. (We're betting he kills Ben and becomes King of The Others in an upcoming episode.) Instead of all that, we'd like to draw your attention (that's a pun you'll understand in a second) to this cast photo recently released by ABC. You see, movie studios and TV networks often give the media photos for publicity purposes. We call them handouts.

So, at first glance, this one looks kinda cool. They're all there, hanging out on the beach in the water. Entertainment Weekly did something similar with just Matthew Fox on their Fall TV Preview issue in 2005. Anyway, take a closer look. The cast has been horribly Photoshopped together — especially Sun and Juliet. (But not quite as bad as Meredith Vieira's pooch.) You can click on both of these photos to see even larger versions.

Does such temporary imagery mean several folks in the above photo won't live to see the fourth season or that the cast is just sick of posing on the beach together!? To find out, The Slug asked the ABC publicity department. We were told the image was Photoshopped because cast members were added midseason. Hmmm. They were? That doesn't explain why Sun looks like a cardboard cutout. She's been "Lost" since the beginning.

(AP Photo/HO/ABC/Bob D'Amico) 

Linderman is Getting Around on "Heroes"

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Remember that show "Heroes" ? It's been awhile since it was last on. (Thirty days to be exact.) Yeah, we were starting to forget it, too. But NBC released this photo of Linderman and Niki (and another one of Linderman and Nathan that you can see after the jump) this week and we received the following oh-so-cryptic e-mail from Primatech Paper. Then we totally remembered we were once totally obsessed with "Heroes." In case you were wondering, the show returns April 23. Any guesses what directions we need to "be ready" for next Monday? Send 'em to The Slug at theslug@ap.org.

I¹ve found a file of great importance. Gonna need your help soon. Kinda on the run right now. I¹m connecting some major dots. Be ready next Monday (4.09) for directions.

"Dancing with the Stars" Goes Loco

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Shandi Finnessey was sent packing on "Dancing with the Stars" last night after the most bizarre episode of the dancing competition yet. Sorry, "American Idol." The wackiness on "Dancing with the Stars" is holding our short attention span more this season. But after a Steve Sanders striptease, Billy Ray Cyrus dancing to The Clash, Joey Fatone's tango set to the "Star Wars" theme, Heather Mills installing a bouncy foot in her artificial limb to do the jive and Leeza Gibbons flashing the judges her new "Tramp" tattoo, we have to wonder how this show will ever be able to top itself. It's insane! Wait a sec. Who's Leeza Gibbons?!

"Prison Break" Finale Tango

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Well, we were sorta right about the "Prison Break" finale. Although Sara got off in the first five minutes, Agent Kellerman was indeed shot, leaving actor Paul Adelstein an out to join that "Grey's Anatomy" spin-off. Or was he? That scene could totally be interpreted differently. We were also left with several other mysteries, too. Will T-Bag also end up in Sona? Is Sara going after Michael? What was up with the cheering at the end? Was Michael somehow "programmed" to be able to break out of prisons? And where did Linc get those designer jeans? Sigh. We'll have several months to ponder those questions.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

We've always been just not that into "The Bachelor" especially now that VH1's "Flavor of Love" and "I Love New York" successfully quasi-lampoon such dating games. However, The Slug has a muffin tin full of friends who get addicted to "The Bachelor" worse than freshly iced cupcakes. So in our quest to taste pop culture for you just in case it's been poisoned, we checked out a preview screener of tonight's premiere. (The elimination ceremony wasn't included. Boo hoo.)

Sure, smiley Andy "Officer and a Gentleman" Baldwin is sweet on the eyes — you know how we feel about blonde guys on reality shows — but he says "Oh my gosh!" and raises his brow puppy-dog style at so many of the contestant's va-va-voom entrances and made-for-TV antics that you'd think he'd never seen any episode from the nine other "Bachelor" seasons. 

Andy's golly goshness aside, there's three potential kooky tarts who could turn this season into a train wreck worth watching: Tina, who sings the national anthem with her eyes closed to Andy; Linda, who competes in a push-up contest with Andy; and Lindsay, who wears a dress that's way too long and picks a fight with another gal when Andy's not looking. If they get roses, The Slug will stick around until episode two. Otherwise, we're gonna bake some cupcakes.

Al Roker Selected as Sweatiest Weatherman

(AP Photo/Jeff Christensen)

On semi-frequent basis, The Slug is bombarded with silly surveys sponsored by corporations asking silly questions about celebrities. It's a vicious ploy to get publicity. Congratulations, Right Guard. You caught our attention with your poll of 1,000 men over the age of 18 about the sweatiest celebrities, which was conducted by the Opinion Research Corporation. Al Roker was named the Sweatiest Weatherman while Ozzy Osbourne was selected as Sweatiest Rock Star. The fully moist results, after the jump.

Run for the Border