The Slug

It's Been Nice Knowing You

(AP Photo/HO/Disney/Gene Duncan)

In the year since launching The Slug, some unimaginable stuff occurred within the realm of popular culture. Anna Nicole Smith died. "Survivor: Cook Islands" divided their tribes by race. Bob Barker retired. And we blogged about it all. We hope we kept our original promise to "simultaneously investigate and celebrate all thangs pop culture." Even if you don't think we did, well, we've totally had a blast trying to, anyway. Remember folks: Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.

Happy Halloween from The Slug!

(AP Photo)

It's the day we've been excited about and/or dreading for months! Today is both Halloween and the death of our pimp: asap, The Associated Press' premium multimedia news service. Celebrate this bizarre day with this YouTube link to Tim Curry's performance from "The Worst Witch." For those of us privileged enough to have had HBO back in the 1980s, you can't deny you squealed fervently every time this came on.

Favoritiest TV Show Finales

(AP Photo/HO/HBO)

In honor of asap's ending, The Slug would like to present our three favoritest series finales. Instead of selecting cliffhangers, we only chose shows that wrapped up their series accordingly. Sorry, "Twin Peaks" and "Models Inc." We loved your conclusions, but you just didn't do that. Here's who did.

"Roseanne." Just when we began to forget that Roseanne Barr was totally bananas, she ended her sitcom with a wordy monologue revealing that the last few seasons — arguably, the worst — were actually fiction penned by Roseanne Connor in her basement. That Roseanne! She could even make our jaw drop at the very last moment.

"Six Feet Under." What better way to end a show than to kill off every major character? In a montage set to Sia Furler's "Breath Me," the fates of the Fisher and Diaz families were revealed in creepy flashforwards featuring everyone's death. Those last few minutes were just like the previous five seasons: tragic, beautiful and totally morbid.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Yes, the whole "empowering young women everywhere" thing was slightly trite — as was needlessly killing off a few key characters. However, nothing could be more awesome than the destruction of the Hellmouth, which leveled the entire town of Sunnydale, right up to the cheesy "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign.

Loose Ends

(AP Photo)

Look out! asap's endingstravaganza has begun! The Associated Press' premium multimedia news service is nearing its final hour with content all about conclusions. Online now, you can find a list of great literary outcomes, a story about the death of indie rock, an essay discussing the end of a meal and videos about the finales of wars and movies. Stay tuned. Later today, The Slug will reveal our favoritest TV finales.

The Beginning of The End

(AP Photo/HO/Lucasfilm)

Boo! As you may or may not have heard, The Slug's pimp — asap, The Associated Press' premium multimedia news service — is scheduled to die this Halloween. We're fairly certain asap is taking The Slug with it to the netherworld, so we're gonna spend the next few days looking back and examining the ends of thangs within the pop culture universe (as will all of asap). Don't get weepy on us just yet. The end isn't really always the end. Just ask George Lucas.

The Name of the Game

(AP Photo/HO/World Cyber Games/Marcus R. Donner)

As you might have heard, The Slug was in Seattle last weekend. One of the reasons we traveled to the Emerald City was to attend the World Cyber Games Grand Final. It's sorta like the Olympics for gaming geeks. More than 700 competitors from 74 different countries battled in games like "Gears of War" and "Counter-Strike" for $448,000 in prize money. Team USA ended up nabbing the most medals. You can see our report on the action in this week's "Up Down Left Right," the AP's weekly video game video.

It's a DigitalLife Afterall

(AP Photo/Hillary Rhodes)

Yesterday, we attended the first-day festivities at the DigitalLife technology, gaming and entertainment event here in New York. As far as video games go, there wasn't anything new. "Lord of the Rings Online." "BioShock." "Gears of War." Been there. Played that. (Of course, that didn't stop us from playing them again in this week's installment of "Up Down Left Right.") What was new at DigitalLife was a barrage of robot products. Spy bots. Cleaning bots. There was even a robotic Elvis. No thanks, DigitalLife. Didn't we learn anything from the "Terminator" movies?!

Don't Forget the Emmys

(AP Photo Illustration/Jenni Sohn)

We know it's just three days until the Emmys, but you simply must do more to contain your excitement. Everybody is pointing at you and whispering, in case you hadn't noticed. To help quench your award show thirst — we're sure your MTV VMA hangover has probably subsided by now — The Slug helped craft this fun little interactive asap Emmy quiz. It's sure to kill a few minutes of your workday and inform you just how stupid you are when it comes to crazy award show moments. Good luck.

Put Down That Controller and Design a T-Shirt

(AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh)

We don't usually do posts about contests or sweepstakes. We're a pop-culture blog, not the freaking Publishers Clearing House. However, we wanted to tell you about Threadless' "E for All" T-shirt design competition for the following three reasons: First, we had a chance to visit Threadless headquarters a coupla years ago for this asap story so we know they're on the up and up. Second, the prize is truly grand: a $400 airfare gift card, lodging, Nintendo Wii, $2,000 and admission to the first-ever "E for All" video game extravaganza for you and a friend. Third, looks like we probably won't get to go to "E for All" so maybe you'll let The Slug be the friend you take since we're the ones that told you about the contest in the first place. Pretty please? 

Justice and Online Videos for All

(AP Photo/HO/Sony Pictures Television)

Hello friend. The Slug hopes you had a loverly three-day weekend (or four-day weekend if you were greedy like us). In case you didn't see it before you left work last week, here's our asap video tour from the new "Judge David Young" show, which debuts in syndication next Monday. Judge Young was such a riot to interview. He's like "Judge Judy" but gay. And if you crave more mindless video, check out the latest edition of "The Hot List" co-starring moi.

The Bourne Dilemma

(AP Photo/Universal Pictures/Jasin Boland)

"The Bourne Ultimatum" took home first place at the box office this weekend. Sorry, Homer. The Slug thinks Bourne could be the next Bond. Too bad Matt Damon is playing hard-to-get when it comes to a fourth outing. If you haven't checked it out yet, you can create the next "Bourne" film in this fun MadLibs-style asap interactive. Try it with some saucy language. Tee hee hee.

Make Fred Willard Make Us Laugh

(AP Photo/Nick Ut)

We're interviewing Fred Willard on Thursday for an upcoming asap video. He's the comic genius from Christopher Guest films like "Waiting for Guffman" and "Best in Show." He's voicing the character Professor Ed Warmer in the upcoming "Brain Age" game for PSP. He'll also play a wacky weatherman in Fox's "Back to You" sitcom starring Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton this fall. Do you have any questions for him — or just stuff that we can say out loud that'll inspire him to crack jokes? Send 'em to theslug@ap.org if you do.

You Only Live a Gazillion Times

(AP Photo/HO/Sony)

If you're anything like The Slug, you're sorta getting sick of all the highly involved online games requiring players to battle beasts, sport pointy ears, cast spells, wear a cape or all of the above. They're great but not really our thang. That's why we're super excited for "The Agency," an upcoming spy-themed online game slated to be available for both the PC and and PlayStation 3.

We've only seen a bit of early footage of the game at Sony Online Entertainment's recent Gamer Day, but even the small tease made us tingle just like "Thunderball" and the second season of "Alias" did. Check out our interview with "Agency" producer Matt Wilson in the latest installment of asap's weekly gamer video "Up Down Left Right" if you want to know more — and how and why this game will text message you in real life.

Up Close with a Circus Elephant

Back in March, we told you about our crazy night riding in the back of pickup truck driving down 34th Street in Manhattan in front of an elephant. It was all part of an asap video series, which is now complete, that we were filming about a working family in the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. What we didn't tell you was just how close we came to the 9,000-pound animal. We finally got around to uploading the footage. See the unedited encounter in this Slugvideo.

Which Games Shouldn't Walk the Plank?

(AP Photo/J. Pat Carter)

We need your assistance, matey. Our next installment of Up Down Left Right, asap's weekly gamer video, will be a treasure chest full of commentary on pirate-themed video games. Let Cap'n Slug know yer favoritest pirate wares at theslug@ap.org so they be included in our round-up. ("Age of Pirates," the "Monkey Island" series and "Sid Mier's Pirates!" are already aboard. Argh!) And, in case you missed it, check out this week's Up Down Left Right starring this summer's scurvy movie adaption titles.

Love Roller Coaster

(AP Photo/HO/Kemah Boardwalk)

The only thing The Slug loves more than powering down our brain and then watching an entire episode of "Dancing with the Stars" is standing in a sweaty line and then riding a roller coaster. Something about going upside down and venturing to the brink of vomiting is fun! With the weather heating up, soon so will road trips to America's amusement parks. But which new rides are worth waiting on line for?

To help separate the Space Mountains from the Tilt-a-Whirls, check out our super-cool asap interactive feature featuring virtual simulations of the five most anticipated new coasters in 2007. They weren't ranked or anything because we're diplomatic like that, but we'll let you in on a little secret: American Coaster Enthusiasts spokesman Steve Gzesh told The Slug he's most looking forward to the Boardwalk Bullet. It's a small woodie, but he thinks it's gonna pack quite a punch.

What's in the Trunk?

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Wowie zowie. What a night. The Slug spent part of the evening in the back of a pickup truck driving down 34th Street in Manhattan, in front of an elephant. The 137th edition of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is coming to town. And it's become an annual tradition for the circus elephants and horses to be paraded into the city through the Queens-Midtown Tunnel and over to Madison Square Garden. We were in the back of the truck shooting footage for an upcoming asap video series about a real-life circus family. The father is an animal trainer. It was without a doubt the most insane New York traffic jam we've ever been in.

Emotionally Preparing for Tonight's "Heroes"

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Last week we filed a fun asap story on February sweeps featuring an Oscar-style "In Memoriam" video starring all the characters that were killed off last month. Take a look. The Slug even included Meredith Grey from "Grey's Anatomy" and Eric Delko from "CSI: Miami" although they were pronounced dead then brought back to life. Hey, dying is dying!

Judging from her appearance in the previews, looks like the same may happen for Simone on tonight's "Heroes" after she was shot by psychic painter Isaac a few weeks ago. Her resurrection is probably just a dream sequence. Tease! We're more nervous about the return of Niki/Jessica, that horrible superpowered character with multiple personalities — each of them totally annoying.

If you heart this show as much as The Slug does, don't forget to check out the weekly "Heroes" segments at AP Video. They often include preview footage (if you're into that sort of thing) and morning-after commentary from yours truly (we know you're into that sort of thing). Just go to AP Video, click on ShowBiz and then click on Heroes. Well, unless you're Hanna "Wireless" Gitelman. Then you can just use your brain to telepathically find the video.

Watching the Wow Start

(AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

There are several things The Slug thought while attending the launch event for Microsoft Windows Vista today, such as "Wow, the line to get inside is long" and "Wow, this looks like OS X" and "Wow, this is way better than Windows 3.1." Basically, everything we said began with "Wow." After a one-song performance by Angels and Airwaves, Bill Gates and friends dazzled the audience with the new slick operating system. (Gamers unite! PC users can play games against Xbox 360 users.)

Afterwards, launch attendees noshed on fancy hors d'oeuvres and drank booze from three open bars. (Nothing for The Slug, thank you. We're on the clock.) For more on the Vista launch, check out our asap IM play-by-play of the ceremony. Tomorrow, we'll present 10 things we hate and love about Windows Vista. And the day after that we'll probably be saying, "Wow, mother, you shouldn't have bought Windows Vista if you don't know where your computer's on button is located."

Upside Down Driver

(AP Photo/HO/SECA)

Whoopsie! When we put the pedal to the metal on this asap story about all of PlayStation 3's racing games last week, we didn't know the downloadable "GripShift" would be hitting the PlayStation Store shelf this week. We test drove it yesterday — and love it! For $9.99, this wacky racer, originally released for the PlayStation Portable, sends buggy-type vehicles through gravity defying courses that require both speed and puzzle-solving skills. The multi-player component just may be the easiest way to battle strangers on the PS3 yet. And shooting missiles at opposing vehicles never gets old.

A Reason Not to Skip Commercials

(AP Photo/Nick Ut)

Hey you. We're gonna start working on another asap podcast, but we need a little help from our friends. (That'd be you.) Can you think of commercials that feature older songs, such as Circuit City's ad with The Cars' "Just What I Needed" and Slim Fast Optima's spot starring Chairman of the Board's "Give Me Just a Little More Time"? Send your best ones to theslug@ap.org. We'll owe you one.

It's Back to Work We Go

(AP Photo/HO/Disney)

Welcome to 2007 at The Slug! We're a little under the weather today — no, not hungover — so we have zero energy to make any resolutions. We'd probably break them all, anyway. Instead, we'll just promise to keep bringing you as much pop culture news and commentary as possible in '007, you know, in-between doing our day job at asap. As always, you can vent to theslug@ap.org. We're here for you. When is Martin Luther King Jr. Day again?

Previous Ringmaster Back Under Big Top

(AP Photo/HO/Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus)

After attending the auditions for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus in September, we wanted to know which lucky man was selected to don the top hat and tails for the latest edition of "The Greatest Show on Earth," set to wind its way across the country next year. Nobody, it turns out. Previous ringmaster Tyron McFarlan — No. 34 in Ringling's history — decided not to run away from the circus. He'll command the 137th edition of the show.

Slugshots: The Perez Hilton Edition

• This doesn't sound good for Perez.
• Lance Bass boytoy Reichen Lehmkuhl has harsh words.
• The L.A. Times is conflicted on the matter.
• Are crusaders allowed to have blonde highlights?   
• What about gay witches?
• Or heroes?

Slugshots: Fantastic George

• George Clooney cuts his own hair?
• That's it. Somebody take the Little Mermaid's voice away again!
• There's a cardigan Welsh corgi in our neighborhood named Nick.
• You get a Wii. And you get a Wii. And you get a Wii.
• Well, maybe he shouldn't cut his own hair.
• Sigh. Guess we have to keep trying for Pro level on "Project 8."
• Carrie Underwood is going to the Persian Gulf. Clay Aiken went to Pennsylvania.

Slugshots: Somebody Cover Barbara Walters' Mouth

• First comes Kazakh Club of Art Patrons Award buzz. Then comes Oscar buzz.
• If Brit and Paris actually had Thanksgiving together, we don't need anything for Christmas.
• Ah, to be a rich movie star.
• We wish we had these issues in America.
• This would've been more interesting had it been Isaac Mizrahi.
• Who died and made Barbara Walters referee?
• Even if you don't like Tenacious D — how could you!? — at least listen to the end.
• Oh really? Sounds like "Working Girl" to us.

Justice League to Don Disguises on "Smallville"

  (AP Photo/HO/Cartoon Network)

What's wrong with superheroes these days? Just look at "Heroes" and "Smallville." They never wear formfitting costumes anymore! Actually, that curse will be broken when the quasi-Justice League forms during Episode 11 of "Smallville" in February. When The Slug spoke to executive producer and co-creator Al Gough for this asap story about superhero team-ups, Gough revealed that Aquaman, The Flash and Cyborg — we've already seen the Green Arrow's garb — will appear in "disguises." There'll also be hints to their future monikers. Sounds ripe for a spin-off, right? There's been talk, Gough told The Slug. But after his Aquaman-centered "Mercy Reef" didn't get picked up by The CW, he's gun-shy about the possibility of "Justice Leagueville."

LISTEN: Al Gough dishes on Justice League costumes.

Slugshots: We Just Want to Dance with Somebody

• "The Greatest Love of All" is officially ending.
• K-Fed is right where he belongs: in the wrasslin' ring.
• Dogs! Tricks! Cute!
• The Slug will miss Sara Evans on "Dancing with the Stars."
• Cracked magazine relaunched its site. Bookmarked!
• Say hello to my little friend again and again and again.
• Mommy, we want this for Christmas!
• Sean Lennon sounds cool.
• Fine. But it won't bring you-know-who back.

Checking In On the Fall TV Canceled-O-Meter

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

The Slug hates to say we told you so. Oh, who are we kidding? We love to say we told you so! But we're not sure we can in the case of our Fall TV Canceled-o-Meter. As of right now, looks like we're 5-5. First, the good news (for us). We were totally right about "Ugly Betty" and "Jericho." They're not bombs, baby. And if this whole blogger-reporter thingie doesn't work out, we should totally become scheduling chiefs. CBS moved the underwelming freshman sitcom "The Class" after sophomore hit "How I Met Your Mother" per our suggestion. You're welcome, Big Eye.

But, boy, we were wrongola about ABC's "Brothers & Sisters" and NBC's "Heroes." We said they'd both be quickly axed, but they just got picked up for full seasons! And The Slug is actually digging "Heroes" so far. Just goes to show you can't judge a show by its pilot. Also, we were dead wrong about thief drama "Smith," which got canned by CBS after three episodes. Guess we will stick to this blogger-reporter thingie.

Dax Shepard Thinks We'll Find "Idiocracy"

(AP Photo/HO/Lionsgate)

Was 20th Century Fox an idiot for only releasing Mike Judge's "Idiocracy" in 130 theaters and not screening the film for press? Dax Shepherd, star of both that movie and "Employee of the Month," thought so. Now he just thinks it's just for the cool kids — which we're so not. Listen to the take he shared with The Slug about this Hollyweird decision. For what the hilariously deadpan Shepard thinks of Jessica Simpson, you'll have to listen to our podcast.

LISTEN: Dax Shepard talks "Idiocracy."

We Saw Mr. T in His Undies

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Mr. T is back and better than ever. The Slug had the extreme honor of interviewing "The A-Team" icon in his trailer on the set of his new TV Land self-help — yes, we said self-help — show. He was seriously one of the most sweet, genuine and hyperactive celebrities we've ever met. He's also the only celebrity who requested we interview him in a state of undress.

While we were chatting with Mr. T inside his trailer, he was preping to lead a ropes course at a YMCA camp in the woods. When it came time to change into his drill sergeant outfit, The Slug began to excuse ourselves, but Mr. T insisted we sit back down and ask him more questions — which we did. You don't say no to Mr. T, fool. Oh, and black boxer-briefs just in case you were wondering.

Slugshots: What Do You Expect from a Breakfast Burrito?

• Maybe one of them can put together this darn HENSVIK.
• What about an elephant ringmaster?
• Well, somebody liked "Brothers & Sisters."
• Score! Fifty-one grams of fat in a burrito for $2.49.
• Oprah. Nice again!
• Who the hell is Camille Paglia?
• Agreed. But the hair? No so much.
• One out of 16 bloggers don't make their bed.

Slugshots: Cry Me a River

• Yeah. Told you so.
• Forget the VMAs. Snore! The JT concert is where it was at.
• Best remedy to an awkward situation? Make fun of yourself.
• Hope nobody had lice!
• Oh, Mickey! That tickles!
• The Slug caaaan't wait for "Southland Tales."
• Where's the ode to Jake Gyllenhaal?

Original "Snakes on a Plane" Director Wanted to KILL (OFF) SAM JACKSON!!!

(AP Photo/HO/Rogue Pictures)

While interviewing Ronny Yu (the one on the left, fools), The Slug's B.F.F. and "Snakes on a Plane" correspondent Ryan Pearson asked about the blog-buzzed horror film that Yu was originally supposed to direct (and that has pretty much flopped at the box office). The Hong Kong horror master cited the boring "creative differences" explanation, but then gave us the juice. He initially signed on because of the title (duh!) and though he was friendly with Samuel L. Jackson, Yu wasn't sure Jackson was the right fit for the film. Here's his explanation:

"If you put Samuel L. Jackson in it, and you have snakes on a plane, who is the star of the show? Is it Samuel L. Jackson, or is it the snake? If you want Samuel L. Jackson to be the hero, then the snakes weren't that important, because you knew at the end Samuel L. Jackson would save the day."

His big UNLESS: "If I'm allowed the creative freedom, then I'll do it a little differently with Samuel L. Jackson. I'll make him more of a surprise for the audience. ... He can be a cool guy, but kill off the cool guy, so people hate those snakes. Rather than have the normal hero come save the day, I think the audience wants to see something a little bit different, unpredictable. Of course, working with a studio you have to follow what they set down, what their rules are."

Bottom line: Yu wanted to kill off Sam Jackson. The studio didn't. Yu left.

Slugshots: That Guy Doesn't Look Anything Like Topher Grace

• Yeah, that's right, Timbylake. Taylor Hicks already brought sexy back.
• Call us immature. We prefer high school movies but these are cool, too.
• Speaking of Taylor. He gets what he wants and goes where he pleases. Ford, however, doesn't.
• China opens the world's largest place to hurt your bum.
• Dude, no you don't.
• Personally, we'll miss all those embarassing stories about boys and tampons.
• Usually you don't see Nicole Kidman and Pat Sajak next to each other.

Slugshots: Your Wallet Could Be Doing So Much More

• Cancel our trip to Malaysia.
• Heh. She said boobies.
• That's unfortunate. But there's always the phony ringtone.
• Don't leave home without them.
• What about that Blues Brothers switcheroo?
• Megaphones can be soooo divisive.
• Ouch.

The Slug Goes to Comic-Con (Sorta)

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

asap reporter Ryan Pearson, The Slug's favorite Morissey look-a-like and Maggie Gyllenhaal B.F.F., was reporting live from Comic-Con last weekend. Throughout the day, he'll be an honorary Slug and fill us in on what went down in that epicenter of geekiness, from new "Lost" theories to "Snakes on Plane" footage -- but nothing about, you know, actual comics, because that would be tres dorky.

Slugshots: Jackie Chan Just Wants a Duet

• Your honor, in the case of Madonna vs. Jessica Simpson, we present Exhibit A.
• Oh, Liz. Us too!
• We vote for chocolate.
• It's true. Syd Barrett has died.
• Bored? Go name this guy. If he chooses yours, he'll give you $25K.
• Let Jackie sing! Man, nobody had a problem with Snoop crashing Taylor Hicks' gig.
• Face it. "Real World: Key West" is boring. So skip ahead to "Real World: Denver."

There Must Be Some Clovers in the Atmosphere

(AP Photo/Drew Digby)

Today is a sad day here at AP World Headquarters. We're siding with Star Jones Reynolds and the asap team lost to Free FM (team name: The Dump Guys) in the first round during an all-media edition of VH1's "The World Series of Pop Culture," the three-on-three spelling bee-like trivia tournament premiereing July 10 on Video Hits 1. (There's some trivia for you. That's what the network used to be called.)

It was a crushing blow and The Slug had nothing to do with it. We aced every. single. question. in our category, tabloid news. (Sample question: What tribute to a Brazilian booty shake did Kevin Federline release that become an Internet sensation? "PopoZao," we whispered into the microphone.) Unfortch, asap entertainment editor Caryn Brooks didn't fare well in the chick flick category and asap editor Ted Anthony totally failed us with 1980s song lyrics.

Oh well. At least we had the best team name — the East Compton Clovers. Too bad we didn't "Bring it On."

Small Appliances Favored Over Magazines at asap

(AP Photo/HO/Blender)

The Slug just overheard this at asap:

asap editor 1: Would anybody like a Blender?

asap editor 2: Ooohhh. A blender?

asap editor 1: (Holds up magazine.)

asap editor 2: Oh. Blender the magazine. No thanks.

If you do want Blender the magazine, check out the "juicy" press release after the jump.

Slugshots: Don't You Dare Leave Us, Britney Spears

• "Sip the Dew and get pissy, pissy" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
• This is like Willy Wonka stealing from a candystore.
• Jack Black has nuthin' on this guy.
• Sure but does she know how difficult it is to get Cheetos there?
• She better not cry and complain about the papparazzi.
• Folks in wheelchairs need a hot ride, too.
• Monogmy is sexy.

Slugshots: Can We Have Some Upside Down Water with That?

• This is what won all those Tonys?!
• We watched this for an hour today. It was boring.
• The Slug voted for "White Chicks."
• We don't believe this! We want a DNA test.
• See. You look hard enough and you'll find all sorts of thangs in a scrapbook.
• Upside down salads are probably very difficult to eat.
• We agree. Although the "American Idol" voting practices is another story.

Slugshots: If Only We Could Wear Baby Sizes

• Can you look for some mermaids, too?
• Julie Chen. Schmulie Chen. We heart the "Big Brother Australia" hostess.
• That lady in that Popeye's commercial sure does get excited.
• Too bad they don't come in adult sizes.
• Get your free legal music here.
• Poor Jerry Lewis. But the telethon must go on.
• The being rich part must not be too shabby either.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Advertiser

(AP Photo/David Hunter)

How dare they! We recently received this automatically generated e-mail from the cliquish BeautifulPeople.net networking Web site (fee: $260 a year). In a fit of investigative journalism for this story last January, we submitted a photo of ourselves to see if we would be accepted to the MySpace for pretty people. Not only were we denied, but BeautifulPeople.net sent us this e-mail hocking LookBetterOnline.com (fee: $129). Is the entire Internet out to get us?

We noticed that your first application to BeautifulPeople Network was unsuccessful. As an administrator of the site, I remember validating your picture before it went through the ratings process and I remember thinking that yours was a picture that probably did not do you justice. That's why I am writing to you, because I feel that you belong to BeautifulPeople Network. I want you to become a member and can help you do it. I want success for you and know that you not being accepted was simply because of the picture you used in your application.

How phony. See the rest of the ridiculousness after the jump.