The Slug

It's Been Nice Knowing You

(AP Photo/HO/Disney/Gene Duncan)

In the year since launching The Slug, some unimaginable stuff occurred within the realm of popular culture. Anna Nicole Smith died. "Survivor: Cook Islands" divided their tribes by race. Bob Barker retired. And we blogged about it all. We hope we kept our original promise to "simultaneously investigate and celebrate all thangs pop culture." Even if you don't think we did, well, we've totally had a blast trying to, anyway. Remember folks: Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.

"Dancing with the" Most Shocking Elimination

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Wow. The Slug didn't see that coming. On one hand, we're TOTALLY SHOCKED about Sabrina Ryan's dismissal on "Dancing with the Stars." Obviously, she was consistently the best "celebrity" dancer on the show. On the other hand, enough seasons of "American Idol" have made us jaded enough to know that these talent competitions are merely popularity contests, which is ultimately a shame. We're thinking it's probably time for Cameron Mathison to pull out at that thong. Otherwise, he's a goner.

"Dancing with the Stars" Goes Off-Beat

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Wow. The "Dancing with the Stars" judges were really nice considering the ballroom was littered with missteps (and farts, apparently) last night. Despite some highly entertaining routines, The Slug spotted boo-boos from Sabrina Ryan, Cameron Mathison, Jennie Garth and Marie Osmond. What are they gonna do when they have to learn two dances in one week!? Hmmm. We suspect Jane Seymour and Helio Castroneves will be in the bottom two tonight — with "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" being dismissed.

Loose Ends

(AP Photo)

Look out! asap's endingstravaganza has begun! The Associated Press' premium multimedia news service is nearing its final hour with content all about conclusions. Online now, you can find a list of great literary outcomes, a story about the death of indie rock, an essay discussing the end of a meal and videos about the finales of wars and movies. Stay tuned. Later today, The Slug will reveal our favoritest TV finales.

J.Lo Explodes On "Dancing with the Stars"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Explosions. Glitter. Backup dancers. Big hair. Strobe lights. And lots of dangling fabric. There was so much stuff happening during Jennifer Lopez's performance on "Dancing with the Stars: The Results" last night, it's as if the "international superstar" was trying to hide something! Oh, and it's too bad about Mark Cuban getting voted off. We kinda liked the big lunk, but the judges were right. He really wasn't improving, despite his best efforts. Unlike previous seasons, we really have no clue who the Final Two will be this time.

Drew Carey Needs "Price is Right" Improvement

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

The Slug made no bones about how we felt about Drew Carey becoming host of "The Price is Right." We weren't pleased with that decision. So we gave him some time to settle into his new daytime gig before passing judgment. However, he's been at it for over a week now, and we can remain silent no longer. Yesterday's episode sent us over the edge. Although Carey is a little better than we originally expected — granted, those expectations were really, really low — The Slug can't tolerate these three things:

1. Carey has developed a nervous twitch where he'll fumble with his coat pocket on camera. Maybe he's just checking to make sure $500 is in there, in case a contestant's bid is exactly right. Whatever the reason, it drives us nuts. Keep your hands out of your pocket!

2. Before playing Barker's Bargain Bar (thankfully they didn't change the game's name) Carey has a running joke that the game is named after Ezekiel Barker, the "founder" of "Price is Right." That's not funny — or respectful to the dude who the game is actually named after.

3. Carey keeps flubbing Bob's "help control the pet population" spiel at the end of the show. Even when he gets it right, his delivery sounds completely forced. If he doesn't truly care if the audience spays and neuters their pets, he shouldn't say it.

Fainting "with the Stars"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

As Marie Osmond was twirling around the "Dancing with the Stars" ballroom during last night's spicy Latin Night, The Slug thought to ourselves, "You know what? We didn't think we'd like her. We even had the audacity to call her an old geezer at one point. But she's become one of the most entertaining celebrities to watch this season."

Then, as she was being critiqued by the judges, Osmond fainted. She's fine. The question is: Will the producers choose to show Osmond falling to the floor repeatedly and in slow motion on tonight's results show, like they did with Jennie Garth's quickstep tumble a few weeks ago? Probably. "Dancing with the Stars" has a way of hiking up the drama higher than Edyta Sliwinska's skirt.

Halloween Costumes Ideas

(AP Photos)

The Slug's favoritest holiday is just around the corner. That means it's time to dress up like a celebrity train wreck and hope everyone else in the room gets it. The Slug suspects lots of folks will be Anna Nicole Smith and Paris Hilton, so we're opting for other topical pop-culture icons. This year, we're keeping it simple (and cheap!), so all our ideas consist of just three elements. Let us know which of these five characters you think would garner us more tricks than treats.

• Bee Hive Wig + Black Tooth Makeup + Illegal Substances = Amy Winehouse
• Computer Chip Contacts + Cleavage + Sagging Ratings = "Bionic Woman"
• Bad Weave + Glittery Bra and Panties + No Facial Expression = Britney Spears
• Wallet Chain + Suicidal Tendencies Shirt + Farting = "Evel" Dick Donato
• Ponyhawk Wig + Microphone + No Talent = Sanjaya Malakar

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Run for the Border

(AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Question: Why are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from "The Hills" posing in formal wear at a Taco Bell? Answer: Uhhhh. Something to do with raising awareness for World Hunger Relief Week? Yes, we're being serious — and that's why were making this bizarre image our Favoritest Photo of the Week. This photo begs the question: Were Heidi and Spencer the only TV personalities available? Jeez. They could've at least brought that talking chihuahua out of retirement.

TV personalities Heidi Montag, left, and Spencer Pratt pose for photographers inside a Taco Bell in the Hollywood section of Los Angeles to raise awareness and funds for World Hunger Relief Week on Tuesday, Oct. 16, 2007. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

"Star Trek" Shows Its Bones

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

The Enterprise is ready to engage. With the official announcement that Chris Pine will indeed play Kirk and that Karl Urban from "The Lord of the Rings" films has been cast as Dr. "Bones" McCoy, that means all the roles of the starship's senior officers have been filled. Honestly, we don't have a problem with any of director J.J. Abrams' hot young not-too-too-famous choices. We can't wait to see them in uniform— and find out what this big-screen reboot's secret plot is all about.

 

"Sex and the" Spoilers

(AP Photos/Darla Khazei)

It's not a good time to live in New York. That's because the much ballyhooed "Sex and the City" movie is currently shooting in the Big Apple — and it's tough to avoid being spoiled from certain plot points when Carrie Bradshaw is running around the street in a wedding gown. Gasp! Is she really gonna marry Mr. Big? Why is she attacking him with her bouquet? What's that bird on her head? Questions! Questions!

Maybe the filmmakers are just shooting a fake scene to deceive nosy bystanders? Maybe it's just a dream sequence? (Yeah, right. Since when did "Sex and the City" ever do dream sequences?) We're just not that into being spoiled. However, if you're not like us and wanna know every Cosmo-soaked morsel, strut your Manolos over to this blog entirely devoted to the film.

Meet (Most of) the New "Star Trek" Crew

(AP Photo/Reed Saxon/Matt Sayles/Jason DeCrow/Carolyn Kaster/Ahn Young-joon)

Spock. Chekov. Uhura. Scotty Sulu. The bridge of J.J. Abram's Enterprise is almost full. According to Variety and The Hollywood Reporter, Simon Pegg from "Hot Fuzz" and John Cho from "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" have joined the new "Star Trek" film as Scotty and Sulu, respectively. Previously, Eric Bana was announced as the film's villain, Nero. And blue-eyed Chris Pine is reportedly in talks for the role of Kirk. According to The Hollywood Reporter, "The lead roles remaining to be cast are Christopher Pike, Kirk's predecessor, and Kirk's parents." Hey, what about Dr. McCoy!?

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Hands On

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

The Slug doesn't care whether Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are, aren't or were ever a special item. However, we did think this candid image of a bearded Gyllenhaal getting touchy on the "Rendition" premiere red carpet was cute enough to proclaim our Favoritest Photo of the Week. Grab the original caption:

Actor Jake Gyllenhaal, left, moves the camera away from photographer Steve Granitz to see who was yelling "It's me" at the premiere of "Rendition" in Beverly Hills, Calif., Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Viva Wayne Netwon's "Dancing" Dismissal

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Not even a phony ponytail or 'stache could help the stiff Wayne Newton, who was sent back to Las Vegas on last night's "Dancing with the Stars." Unfortch, we think ol' Wayne was just too, well, old to compete against the likes of Sabrina Ryan and Cameron Mathison. In more distressing news, we learned that mumbly co-host Samantha Harris will return from maternity leave next week. Please! No! That has to be the shortest maternity leave ever. 

We're Embarrassed for Kim Cattrall

(AP Photo/Lionel Cironneau)

Hello friends. So we're back in New York, but we wanted to tell you about something totally weird we witnessed while shopping at a mall in Seattle last week. OK. So a flat-screen TV monitor outside an Express had a message about a celebrity birthday. Naturally, we stopped to see what famous face was celebrating their b-day that day. The flat-screen TV read: "Kim Cattrall is 51 today." Wow. She looks great for her age, we told ourselves. Then, the TV said: "Happy Birthday, Kim!"

Ummm. Seriously? Here's our problem. First, why wish Cattrall a happy birthday on a mall TV monitor? Does anybody really think she's stopping by Auntie Anne's for a pretzel? C'mon. Everyone knows she's been shooting the "Sex and the City" movie in New York and was at the MIPCOM convention in France last week. (That's where the photo above came from.) Second, how dare they blast her age across the mall like that. Not cool. Third, her birthday was actually on Aug. 21. That birthday wish was well over a month late!

Sleepy in Seattle

(AP Photo/Cheryl Hatch)

So how much did you love "Pushing Daisies" last night? And who won "Top Chef"? You'll have to tell us later because The Slug is on assignment in Seattle for the rest of the week. Posts will be more sporadic than usual. In our absence, keep yourself busy with some AP reading material about a reality TV tussle, a "Desperate Housewives" controversy and the latest chapter in the Britney Spears custody trial. Check back later for our first report from the World Cyber Games Grand Final, which is being held at the Qwest Field Event Center this weekend.

Albert Reed Faces the Music on "Dancing"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Just when The Slug was starting to warm up to goofy Abercrombie & Fitch model Albert Reed on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars," he was voted off the show last night. We can't be too shocked. Next to Josie Maran, he was the least famous contestant this season. Still, Reed's routine was far superior to Wayne Newton's embarrassing quickstep. This proves "Dancing with the Stars" is a definitely a popularity contest, not a talent show.

Oh, Baby, Baby

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Chris Crocker is going to go ballistic when he hears this! A judge has ordered that Britney Spears turn over custody of her two boo-boos to ex-husband Kevin Federline this week. Wowie zowie. And we thought that MTV Video Music Award performance was rough. In previous Brit Brit news, she was ordered to undergo random drug and alcohol testing twice a week as part of her ongoing custody dispute with K-Fed. No word on if the two are related, at this point.

We Don't Think They're Ready for This Jelly

(AP Photo/Stephen Chernin)

Was Beyonce not willing to cover up for her first concert in Malaysia? According to Knowles' agency, she canceled the show "due to a scheduling conflict." However, she will instead perform in neighboring Indonesia, whose government doesn't demand that female performers cover their bods from their shoulders down to their knees. Hmmm. This sounds more like a "wardrobe conflict" to us.

Favoritiest Photo of the Week: Buy a Vowel

(AP Photo/Peter Kramer)

Our mother thinks photos featuring folks with closed eyelids are automatically bad. However, we think if Vanna White, Pat Sajak and a giant "Wheel of Fortune" cake are involved, all is forgiven. However, there's one thing that does bug us about our Favoritiest Photo of the Week this week. How come there's no "Bankrupt" or "Lose a Turn" spaces on that cake?! Whatever. You know we'd still eat a slice. Take the original caption for a spin:

"Wheel of Fortune" host Pat Sajak and co-host Vanna White arrive at Radio City Music Hall to celebrate the 25th anniversary of "Wheel of Fortune" sponsored by People magazine in New York, Thursday Sept. 27, 2007. (AP Photo/Peter Kramer)

Josie Maran Foxtrots Off "Dancing"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Goodbye, Josie Maran. It's like we never knew you. Wait. We really didn't know you.

Meet the Duchess of Cornwax

(AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth)

Yikes. We just can't look away from Madame Tussauds' Duchess of Cornwall wax figure, which was unveiled today in London. Last June, Camilla Parker-Bowles modeled for sculptors and personally selected her figure's eyes, outfit and accessories. Weird. What's stranger is that The Slug has already seen a waxy Camilla over at Louis Tussauds' Waxworks in Niagara Falls. This one is definitely better — or scarier. You decide.

"Dancing" with the Gentlemen

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

The men took center stage on "Dancing with the Stars" last night, turning this dignified ballroom competition into a rowdy locker room. Mark Cuban kept wagging his tongue on the dance floor. Albert Reed wouldn't stop making faces at the camera. Floyd Mayweather was constantly gyrating his hips. And Wayne Newton was, well, he was just kinda creepy. Thankfully, racer Helio Castroneves brought class, distinction and an impeccable routine to an otherwise bizarre episode. We can't wait until "Dancing with the Stars" mixes genders once again.

"Dancing" with the Ladies

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

How annoying. ABC has divided the season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars" into two parts, well, three if you count Wednesday's results show, or four if you count our planned purging session on Thursday. Tomorrow night, the guys will do their thang. Last night, the female celebrities twirled in the spotlight.

Marie Osmond and Dr. Quinn's routines reminded us of our mom getting her groove on at a wedding reception. Kelly from "90210" and Scary Spice were scarily average. The worst, however, was probably Josie Maran, who'll probably be voted off because, well, who is Josie Maran? Luckily, the popping and locking of "Cheetah Girl" Sabrina Bryan made "Dancing with the Stars" feel like an episode of "So You Think You Can Dance," which is to say she made the show worth watching.

"Star Trek" Adds Another Crew Member

(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster/Gus Ruelas/Chris Pizzello)

Is it us or is the emerging new crew of the Enterprise looking way hotter and younger than the original? Zoe Saldana from "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" and "Haven" is the most recent addition to the cast of J.J. Abram's "Star Trek." As Uhura, she'll join Anton Yelchin's Chekov and Zachary Quinto's Spock. Wowie zowie. We can't wait to see who'll be beamed up as Sulu, Scotty, Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk — and what they'll be wearing. 

Our Four Favoritest Moments from the Emmys

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Despite our best liveblogging efforts, this year's Emmys drew the second-smallest audience in the show's history. Now that we've had more than 24 hours to digest exactly what went down in the round at the Shrine Auditorium on Sunday night, we're ready to reveal what we actually liked about this year's ceremony. (In case you were wondering, what we didn't like was that awkward in-the-round stage, Ryan Seacrest's lame jokes and the lack of loser nominee reaction shots.)  Our four favoritest moments:

Steve Carell's phony win. Our biggest and most genuine chuckle came when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert announced they were giving Ricky Gervais' Emmy to their "friend" Carell. If that wasn't funny enough, the "40-Year-Old Virgin" gleefully jumped up from the audience and embraced his "Daily Show" alums. Why can't the rest of the ceremony be this silly?

Ryan Seacrest's screen time. When we first heard that Seacrest had been tapped to host the Emmys, we were frightened that the ceremony would turn into an "American Idol" clone. Although he was ultra-annoying every time he appeared on screen, those moments were refreshingly brief. Thankfully, comedians such as Ray Romano, Lewis Black, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and even Wayne Brady picked up the slack.

Kathryn Heigl's name checking. Most stars would probably act like they didn't hear the the silky smooth Emmy announcer completely mispronounce their last name when introducing them. Not Heigl. Before she launched into her TelePrompTer presentation, the "Knocked Up" star corrected the announcer. Later, after Heigl won for a supporting actress trophy, she gave the announcer props for getting it right the second time.

Sally Field's acceptance speech. Like a typical mother, Field rambled on and on during her best actress acceptance speech. Just when we started hoping Field would be drowned out by the orchestra, the "Brothers & Sisters" matriarch sprang some saucy language and an anti-war rant on the audience and Fox censors, who cut away from the winner. We really, really liked Field for giving us something to talk about the next day. 

Liveblogging the 2007 Emmys!

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang) 

It's time for the Emmys, the awards show that's more fun than the Oscars but less trashy than the MTV Video Music Awards. We're liveblogging the ceremony from AP World Headquarters in New York. Keep clicking refresh all night long as we provide catty comments and insights on McEmmys' winners, losers, presenters, acceptance speeches and suspiciously spontaneous moments.

Don't Forget the Emmys

(AP Photo Illustration/Jenni Sohn)

We know it's just three days until the Emmys, but you simply must do more to contain your excitement. Everybody is pointing at you and whispering, in case you hadn't noticed. To help quench your award show thirst — we're sure your MTV VMA hangover has probably subsided by now — The Slug helped craft this fun little interactive asap Emmy quiz. It's sure to kill a few minutes of your workday and inform you just how stupid you are when it comes to crazy award show moments. Good luck.

Meredith Taking Some Time to Enjoy "The View"

For the first time, Meredith Vieira will return to "The View" as a guest. The only way this appearance won't illicit a yawn from this pop-culture blog is if good ol' Meredith truly dishes the dirt on what's gone down since she left for "Today." When she was moderator, "The View" was good-natured fun. Now, it's daytime's biggest train wreck. Hopefully, Vieira won't be all phony. She does have a Photoshopped dog, you know.

Hmmm. Now that "The View" dust has settled, The Slug has a new "View" dream. For November sweeps, we want every loud-mouth who's ever been a co-host on the show — Barbara, Joy, Debbie, Star, Meredith, Lisa, Elizabeth, Rosie, Whoopi, Sherri and , um, Lassie —  to converge around one ginormous half-table for the hottest Hot Topics segment ever. It'd be like daytime's Justice League (or maybe the Legion of Doom). Make it happen, Babs!

Reese On Topics Not Including Jake Gyllenhaal

(AP Photo/HO/Elle)

Reese Witherspoon is gracing the October cover of Elle. The long bangs are rocking our world, but doesn't that dress make it look like her bra is showing? Inside the magazine, Gavin Hood, director of her upcoming film "Rendition" co-starring Jake Gyllenhaal, says the pair didn't have an affair. They didn't even film any scenes together! Witherspoon doesn't address the rumors herself. Here's the juiciest quotes:

On dealing with hard times post-split with husband Ryan Phillipe: "There’s this moment in 'Walk the Line' where June Carter says, 'I was never aware of how much I was seen.' I was very aware of how much I was seen."

On the tabloids: "Everybody is hung out to dry now. It’s one thing if you’re up for it and you want it, and you go out without your panties on. But if you’re wearing your panties, gosh darn it, leave me alone!"

On claims that she is always in control: “I wouldn’t be able to do what I do if I were (always in control). I wouldn’t be able to have the empathy or the capacity to understand different lives.”

Step One: Put Your Emmy in the Box

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Here's what The Slug wants to know: Will Saturday Night Live's you-know-what "in a Box" be performed at the Emmys? In this story about Kathy Griffin being naughty during her Emmy acceptance speech, AP television writer Lynn Elber says that Andy Samberg hasn't been asked yet. Meanwhile, the academy says that "show elements are in the process of being worked out." Seriously? While the academy might not be ready for Sept. 16 just yet, we here at The Slug are 'cause — just like last year — we'll be liveblogging the ceremony live from the shag carpet in our living room. In the meantime, tide yourself over with this asap podcast about this year's Best Original Music contenders.

MTV VMAs: Gimme a Barf Bag

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

Yes, we saw Britney Spears' MTV Video Music Award performance. Yes, we thought it was horrrrendously bad. But really? What did you expect? Madonna? A duet with Justin Timberlake? Actual singing? Abs? The Slug is afraid that the art of the super-staged award-show comeback is dead. Thanks, Brit Brit. You can throw all the fantasy suites, unnecessary glowing tables, collaborations, Rhapsody ads and Miss Teen South Carolina cameos you want at us, but we still don't think the VMAs are must-see TV anymore. Sorry.

Bringing M.C. Hammer Down

(AP Photo/Olga Shalygin)

When The Slug was just a lil' worm, like everyone else in the early '90s, we loved us some M.C. Hammer. We were "2 Legit 2 Quit." We had to "Pray" just to make it to today. And we loved nothing more than to "Turn This Mutha Out." Despite all that, we often wonder what time is Hammer Time? Apparently, it's 8:15 p.m.

"High School Musical" Nude Photo Shocker

(AP Photo/The Disney Channel/Adam Larkey)

We don't know what to say. Vanessa Hudgin's rep has confirmed that a nude photo circulating on the World Wide Web is indeed the 18-year-old "High School Musical" star. Uh oh, Gabriella. This is sort of behavior we'd expect from the likes of Britney Spears or Sharpay. At least it's not a sex tape, right? Wow. We never thought we'd say that when referring to a Disney Channel star. The Slug is really curious if this scandal will affect the chances of "High School Musical 3" happening. In the meantime, maybe Vanessa can star in a revival of "Hair" or something?

 

The Slug Won't Take Time to Enjoy "The View"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

See that gap in the middle up there? Come Monday, it will be filled with Sherri Shepard. How predictable. The Slug was hoping Kathy Griffin would fill the long-empty Star Jones position on "The View." Sherri is nice and all, but this chatfest really needed a marquee name who's willing to pick celebrity catfights. That's why Rosie O'Donnell made "The View" just so darn interesting last year. Unfortch, we don't think Sherri has the guts to attack The Donald, Kelly Ripa, Claynation or the like. Sigh.

Justice and Online Videos for All

(AP Photo/HO/Sony Pictures Television)

Hello friend. The Slug hopes you had a loverly three-day weekend (or four-day weekend if you were greedy like us). In case you didn't see it before you left work last week, here's our asap video tour from the new "Judge David Young" show, which debuts in syndication next Monday. Judge Young was such a riot to interview. He's like "Judge Judy" but gay. And if you crave more mindless video, check out the latest edition of "The Hot List" co-starring moi.

Posh is Always a Bridesmaid on "Ugly Betty"

(AP Photo/Rene Macura)

The rumors are true! Victoria Beckham is guest starring as herself in an episode of "Ugly Betty" this fall. Posh will be bridesmaid to — spoiler alert! — bridezilla Wilhelmina Slater, who's getting hitched to boss-man Bradford Meade next season. Hmmm. Wonder if Becks will hobble down the aisle alongside his wife? That would make this a wedding we'd definitely want to RSVP yes to!

"Dancing" with the Old Geezers

(AP Photo/Isaac Brekken)

Marie Osmond? Wayne Newton? Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman? This sounds less like a "Dancing with the Stars" cast and more like the folks who join our mother for Bingo Night at the Elks Lodge. Yes, we're a little jaded, probably because we discovered the oh-so-vibrant "So You Think You Can Dance" this summer. Mark Cuban, you are no Neil Haskell. Whatever. We'll probably tune in to see the Latin moves from Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown and Indianapolis 500 champion Helio Castroneves, anyway.

Waxy Ladies

(AP Photos/Derrik J. Lang)

So The Slug went up to Niagara Falls last weekend to see the natural wonders and all that. Little did we know there's be oodles of celebrities — in wax form — at the local Louis Tussauds' Waxworks. (He's the great grandson of Madame, if you're confused.) Unfortch, none of wax figures or any of our souvenirs spoke to us like in "Wonderfalls."

However, the female figures did look really real when we stuck our camera in their faces and cranked up our flash. Try to guess who's who in the comments section, after the jump — or don't if the above photo of Sara Jessica Parker freaks your freak. It's only gonna get creepier, kids.

"Heroes" Hires Another Blonde

Wowie zowie. "Heroes" fans, have you heard the news? We're kinda glad "Veronica Mars" got canceled if it means Kristin Bell will appear on "Heroes" in multiple episodes this fall. (Yeah, we said it.) That's two great tastes that taste great together! The "Heroes" rumor mill is already speculating that her character, who has "ties to Peter's apparent death, H.R.G.'s past and Claire's future," will be eeeevil once Zachary Quinto trades his Syler stare for some Spock ears. Could she be the villain Molly Walker hinted about in the finale? Nah. Kristin Bell is too lovable. TV Guide has a fun Q&A with her about the news.

Ryan Seacrest to Be Allowed Inside Emmys

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

Seacrest in. The "American Idol" and "American Top 40"  host has been tapped to transcend his E! red carpet duties and actually host the 59th annual Primetime Emmy Awards on Fox. Isn't this like the nerdiest guy in school being crowned prom king? The Slug thinks the folks who ask "What are you wearing?" should stay outside the awards. Now we have a sinking feeling that Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell will get front-row seats, a conference table and some Coca-Cola to drink during the ceremony.

It's "Mr. Big" Time!

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

To all those cosmopolitan-drinking fans wondering if Mr. Big would be included in the "Sex and the City" movie: Abso$%&#inglutely. Chris Noth has signed on the dotted line and is ready to report to set in September. In a statement from HBO, "Sex and the City" director/mastermind Michael Patrick King says that Mr. Big will be a "very 'big' part" of the movie. Cute. See what he did there? He said Mr. Big will be a big part of the movie. Ugh. Let's hope King is storing up all his creativity until September.

Make It Work

(AP Photo/HO/Bravo)

By "it" we mean "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style." We really wanted to like the dry-but-tasty "Project Runway" mentor's new Bravo makeover show, but after watching a preview screener of the first two episodes, we felt the same way about "Guide to Style" as we felt about anything Vincent Libretti ever designed: Ehhhhhhh. In each episode, Tim Gunn and Veronica Webb teach a fashion victim some rules, let her make some bad decisions in a fancy store, correct her, give her an expensive haircut then encourage her to make her friends and family feel jealous and/or ugly. Touching!

The whole show is scandalously reminiscent of "What Not to Wear" — the slight bland American version on TLC, not the biting British version on BBC America. Such copycatting makes us wonder if Keith Michael had anything to do with this venture. The biggest difference in "Guide to Style" is that Gunn has this hand-dandy checklist of clothing items that every woman must own. Trenchcoat? Who knew?! Beyond that, there's not much innovation here. As Gunn might say himself, "It's a little ahhlarming." Hopefully, this makeover show gets a makeover if it continues.

Game Over for O.J. Simpson

(AP Photo/HO/2K Sports)

Not that we're into team sports or anything, but 2K Sports' "All-Pro Football 2K8" is a pretty cool football video game 'cause it lets you create a timeless, injuryless, scandaless dream squad, sorta like the "Laugh Olympics" or "Super Friends." Heck, you can even play as O.J. Simpson. Remember the glory days when he was more famous for handling a pigskin on the field than trying on gloves in court?

Yesterday, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge ordered that any money The Juice earns from the game must be paid to the family of the late Ronald Goldman to satisfy a $38 million wrongful death judgment. The court didn't reveal how much Simpson might have earned from the deal, but if this is any sort of precedent, we won't be surprised if a Mushroom Kingdom judge orders Mario to pay flashing coins to the family of the late Bowser.

My Three Dads

(AP Photos/Jeff Christensen/Frank Franklin II/Kevork Djansezian)

If you haven't called your pops to tell him you love him since Father's Day — it was June 17, you disrespectful little snot — now is probably a good time to use up some minutes to remind him how much you appreciate him, in light of today's celebrity daddy drama overload.

• After his on-again, off-again wedding, Usher actually said "I do" to Tameka Foster, who's pregnant with Usher's baby, at his lawyer's office in Atlanta.
  
• Eddie Murphy has publicly admitted he's the father of Melanie Brown's baby, but the Spice Mum ain't happy the "Daddy Day Care" star doesn't want to see his daughter.
  
• Lindsay Lohan's dad is, well, still Lindsay Lohan's dad.

Lane Garrison is Not Paris Hilton

(AP Photo/Nick Ut)

Nicole Richie. Lindsay Lohan. Paris Hilton. With them, we get the media frenzy around their assorted recent exploits. But here at The Slug, we do not understand the continued coverage of Lane Garrison's DUI debacle. Before his arrest, he was known for exactly one minor role — Tweener on "Prison Break" — and he was already killed off that show before this mess occurred. So why should anyone care about his case? Is he a celebrity? Do you care? Let us know at theslug@ap.org.

Lionel Richie is Gonna Be a Grandpa!

(AP Photo/HOABC/Ida Mae Astute)

Don't act like you didn't see this one coming. Nicole Richie confirms (to Diane Sawyer, natch) that she is pregnant with Joel Madden's baby. Now all we need is Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to produce offspring so that the children of Hollywood's wild young women can start a support group — or at least star in a reality show together.

Comic-Con Jealousy

(AP Photo/Denis Poroy)

As you could probably tell, we weren't at Comic-Con this year. Boo. However, we don't want to leave you out in the cold if you weren't able to get down to San Diego for all the hot geekiness. So let us point you in the direction of our colleague (and "Up Down Left Right" co-host) Ryan Pearson's asap dispatches from the convention floor. We're so jealous! He was hanging by Jessica Alba's side, found five really cool things, watched awesome teaser trailers and interacted with fans.

Turn the Lights Out on "Hey Paula"

(AP Photo/HO/Bravo/Vivian Zink)

Every time we watch "Hey Paula," we can't stop asking ourselves why on earth Paula Abdul, a celebrity with an already fragile public image, would agree to do a show that makes her look worse. Last night, however, another question popped into our head: Just how dumb do the makers of this show think we are? They tried to make it look like Abdul ditched a meeting with an interior designer at her rental house while she and her friends were nabbing free schwag at an Oscar event. It was 3:15 p.m. at the house, but the sun had clearly set outside the windows of the schwag suite. Straight up now tell us why you gotta misrepresent reality like that to us.