The Slug

"Top Chef" Has Got Game

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

After last night's gamey elk elimination challenge, we now have our final three on "Top Chef." Bon appétit. Previously, we thought this was Casey's competition to lose, but then Dale served up that sob story about getting fired and dumped. Could the judges have a sweet spot for the mohawked chef? Whatever happens, we hope we never have to hear the contestants whine about showing the judges "what they can do" ever again. Bring on the vending machines and Bacardi product placement!

"Top Chef" Can't Hold a Candle

(AP Photo/HO/Bravo)

We haven't really been keeping up with "Top Chef" like we should this season, but we're definitely DVRing up episodes. We like to watch them on a full stomach. Otherwise, we have to shut it off and go grocery shopping during the commercial breaks. Anyway, imagine our surprise last night when we tuned in and thought we were watching "Top Design" instead. The judges, that phantom blogger and Madonna's brother were freaking out over scented candles that one team used in their makeshift restaurant.   

We half expected the judges to hit Dale over the head with a Yankee Candle and scream, "NO MORE SCENTED CANDLES!!! EVER!!!" Why get in such a huff over some vanilla candles? Aren't they supposed to critique the food?  We asked asap's own Kitchen Idiot if we were out of line for thinking this firey reaction was over the top. His response: "Are you kidding me? Putting scented candles in your restaurant is like putting peanut butter on your steak." Yeesh. OK. We get it. No more scented candles. Ever.

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Beer!

(AP Photo/Martin Meissner)

Sometimes — unless you're Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or, um, Lane Garrison — after a tough week, you just need a frosty mug of beer. That's why The Slug is making this jolly good AP photo from Martin Meissner in western Germany our Favoritest Photo of the Week. Gulp the original caption:

A waitress carries beer at the opening of the Cranger Fair in Herne, western Germany, Friday, Aug. 3, 2007. The festival which started as a horse market in the 15th century has become one of Germany's biggest carnival fairs with an expected 4 million visitors in ten days. (AP Photo/Martin Meissner)

Food Network Loses a Head

(AP Photo/HO/Disney)

So summer TV is sorta sucking thus far, but we'd like to suggest one thang you definitely should be on the lookout for on your DVR this week: Food Network's "Challenge" featuring Villain Cakes. Don't worry if you didn't catch it this weekend. They're rerunin' it like a gazillion times. In this installment of the quickie competitive cooking series, pastry chefs are tasked with making cakes based on animated Disney villains. Yes, the concept is lame, but the reason we're enticing you to watch is because the head of one of the cakes falls off right at the judges' feet at the end of the episode. It's totally hilarious, embarrassing and delicious!

Excuse Us While We Sip This Drink

(AP Photo/Hillary Rhodes)

Everybody knows rock icon Jimi Hendrix lived hard. Maybe that's why the samples we received of The Jimi Hendrix Liquid Experience energy drink arrived at The Slug's desk dripping and beaten up. No matter. We popped open the gorgeous surviving cans for a taste test. (The back reads: "This new energy drink is a tribute to Jimi's legacy, The Jimi Hendrix Experience and their everlasting influence on music and those who play it.")  Unlike other flavorless energy drinks, the deep purple Voodoo Vibe flavor actually tasted like something. Unfortch, that something was grape-flavored cough syrup. However, we are happy to report we typed this blog post in 10 seconds. Thanks, Jimi.

Run for the Border

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

In January, we wrote a lil' asap story about a bizarre tool on McDonald's Web site called the McDonald's Trip Planner, which allows Web visitors to map driving directions with every Golden Arch along the way. Unfortch, if Whoppers were more your thang, you would've been outta luck 'cause there was no such technology on the Burger King site. But Fast Food News blogger Ken Kuhl has alerted us today to Fast Food Maps by Ian Spiro, which uses Google Maps technology to plot the locations of The King and nine other fast food chains. Now you really can have it your way!

While We Were Out

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

When we were in Las Vegas last week, The Slug was just too busy eating at buffets and playing the slots to keep up with some of our favorite prime-time shows. So we've spent the past few hours avoiding spoilers and catching up on what went down on "Heroes," "24," "Veronica Mars," the "Road Rules" premiere and "Top Chef" finale. Seriously, how did we live before networks streamed their shows online? How!?

"Heroes." Wowie zowie. We finally got a peak at Claire's biological mama and she's a firestarter, baby. So now The Slug is hypothesizing that the "Heroes" gene must run in the family. Think about it. Nathan and Peter Petrelli both have powers. And Niki/Jessica and D.L. have their hacker kid. Hmmm. This would mean Hiro's pop, played by George Takei, and the Petrelli brothers' shoplifting mommy would have to be superparents. We know at least one of them can travel at warp speed. Har har. Oh, and our money is on Nathan Petrelli as Claire's biological father.

"Road Rules." This old MTV reality show returned — and it's complicated. The full title is "Road Rules 2007: Viewer's Revenge." (What did "Road Rules" ever do to you!?) Instead of a simple road trip from Point A to Point B with a group of five to six strangers, this RV is filled with veteran cast members who are just driving around Los Angeles completing missions. And then there's some other people who haven't been on a reality show before that can be voted into the RV. Color us confused. The Slug yearns for the simpler days when "Road Rules" featured interstate flirtations, roadies playing pranks on "The Real World" cast and, you know, a destination. This feels like it's going nowhere.

"24." We thought our family was jacked up! The last two episodes have shown us that the Bauer clan is dysfunctional with a capital 'dys.' And did anyone else notice that Rena Sofer, the actress that plays Graem Bauer's wife on "24" also plays Nathan Petrelli's wife on "Heroes"? Jeez. She sure has a taste for bad boys. We're slightly ticked at Karen Hayes for resigning as National Security Advisor but it's also kinda cool she's headed to CTU in Los Angeles now. Does this mean we'll see her in five episodes?

"Veronica Mars." Veronica, girl, we need to talk. Sit down. Why do you need to know if your man, who's so totally obviously into you even though you keep breaking up and getting back together repeatedly, has ever been with a prostitute? You asked him like four times in this episode. Drop it. Focus on your school work. Help your daddy figure out who killed Dean O'Dell. And go find your friends Wallace and Mac. Those characters' recurring disappearances are becoming the biggest mystery this season.

"Top Chef." While we were dining on Elia's waffle in Vegas, she was busy helping Ilan Hall become the "Top Chef." Honestly, we think it could've gone either way. Personality-wise, they were both brats. Food-wise, Ilan made more decadent Spanish food, and Marcel's meal was innovative but way too light. After eating at buffets on The Strip for a week, Marcel's dainty little radish salad and hearts of palm with mushrooms would've left us hungry for something more. Sorta like the first episode of "Top Design."

Waiter, You Don't Serve Foam?

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

We didn't see the "Top Chef" finale last night so don't you dare tell us who won, but we did eat at Elia's restaurant THEcafe at THEhotel at Mandalay Bay for OURbreakfast this morning. (Yes, we broke our buffet rule in the name of reality television.) Elia wasn't there (unless you count that sign above) so instead of poke or tamales, we had a walnut waffle with blueberry compote served alongside the freshest, most delicious whipped cream ever. It was a top meal even though she's not "Top Chef."

Not Until You Eat Your Vegetables

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

When The Slug found out we were coming to Vegas, we told ourselves we would exclusively take our meals at The Strip's buffets. If we wanted to dine at the likes of Le Cirque, Mesa Grill or Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs, then we didn't have to leave the Big Apple. Thus far, they've all been similar smorgesboards starring piles of crab legs and cocktail shrimps.

All that changed when we feasted our eyes on the Bellagio buffet's dessert bar with its mini carrot cakes, creme brulees, chocolate-dipped strawberries, cheesecakes, pastries and much, much more. Intricate. Cute. Flavorful. Yummy. If Willy Wonka had a dessert bar in his chocolate factory, we think it would look and taste something like this. Daddy, I want a dessert bar now!

We Thought the "Top Chef" Was a Little Runny

(AP Photo/HO/Bravo)

The Slug hasn't really been keeping up with Bravo's "Top Chef" like we should this season, but we did peep the last two episodes, including the first part of the Hawaii finale last night, which saw whiny Marcel and whiniest Ilan selected as the final finalists. Elia totally made herself look silly by complaining about Marcel moving her rice off the burner at the Judge's Table. Snooze.

In other Bravo-related news, Jaclyn Smith (of "Charlie's Angels" and Kmart's "Jaclyn Smith Collection") is hosting the channel's next competitive reality show. No, not the one about interior design. It's the one about hair design called "Shear Genius" (formerly titled "Top Hair") that'll premiere this spring. The Slug thinks Kelly Garrett will be waaay better than skinny ninny "Top Chef" hostess Padma Lakshmi, who doesn't like her poi runny — just in case you were wondering.

Favoritest Photo of the Week: Mmmm Doughnuts

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Two weeks in and we're already late with our Favoritest Photo of the (Last) Week. Sorry! We fell ill on Friday. We have a note from our doctor. But now our stomach is back in tip-top shape, and it wants one of these yummy looking doughnuts in this mouth-wateringly vibrant photo by AP photographer Richard Drew. (Little does our stomach know they're trans-fat free.) The original caption:

A box with a variety of doughnuts from Doughnut Plant sit in the front window of the shop on New York's Lower East Side, Friday Jan. 12, 2007. Doughnut Plant owner Mark Isreal has been making trans-fat-free, all-natural doughnuts for a dozen years. He says he's seen consumers warm to the idea of his doughnuts in recent years, as organic foods have gained mainstream acceptance. Treats like Isreal's doughnuts are becoming more common in the U.S., as government regulators try to ban artery-clogging trans fats. Coffeehouse chain Starbucks recently announced it is about halfway through a multiyear plan to phase out trans fats in the doughnuts and other food sold in its U.S. stores. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Our Favoritest Things in 2006

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Our long national nightmare is almost over! The year-end lists that plague this time of year will be null and void at the stroke of midnight Sunday. So before we take off for a three-day weekend full of speculating and drinking, here's, um, yet another year-end list! We skipped the crap and just went for our favoritiest pop culture nuggets from 2006. If you disagree or think there was something better, we probably didn't see it — or you're just wrong.

Favoritest Viral Video: Reverend Alecia. She simply spun, spun, spun around on a gold lamé-covered office chair to "give praise to the name of the Lord," but there was something so hilariously beautiful about it. And just when you thought you've had enough, she spins via split-screen.

Favoritest Song: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Sure, it's played out now, but we remember when, we remember, we remember at the beginning of the year when the infectious beat and repetitious lyrics shook our tush. While OutKast was busy making a movie, Gnarls Barkley's Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo filled the genre-spanning void with the bestest ditty of 2006.

Favoritest Commercial: Little Richard for Geico. Usually we cringe at celebrities shilling in ads. (Case in point: Alan Thicke offering a "second honeymoon" at the Tahiti Village in Las Vegas. Oh, brother.) But Little Richard steals the show while hawking car insurance with the best description of Thanksgiving dinner ever. Whooo!!!

Favoritest Reality TV Show: "Survivor: Cook Islands." It started with a scandal and could've gone horribly wrong. Instead, viewers of this aging reality show were treated to a season of interesting twists that had nothing to do with that racial divide. By season's end, we were left with a dominating multicultural alliance who concluded the potentially viscous game with more integrity than any previous season.

Favoriest Movie: "Borat" and "The Queen." We know. We know. We're lame for the tie, but we couldn't pick just one. Surprisingly, we sorta loved both for the same reason. These scathing looks at two very different cultures successfully undulated between real and fake, fact and fiction. "Borat" did it for laughs. "The Queen" did it for chills. And we're better for watching both.

Favoritest Roller Coaster: Tatsu. Opened in April, this soaring Japanese-themed coaster, which suspends riders horizontally, whirls 170-feet above Six Flags Magic Mountain's other rides and — gulp! — the ground. When we visited Los Angeles in October, we rode in the front and truly felt like Superman.

Favoritest Game Show: "The Price is Right." You can keep "Deal or No Deal," "1 vs. 100," "Identity" and all those other prime-time game shows. They're boring and, frankly, seem phony. We'll take the crazy everyday men and women who compose "The Price is Right" audience any day of the week. And although Bob Barker announced he's retiring next year, we think he's still got it.

Favoritest Scandal: Clay Aiken's hand. When the "American Idol" runner-up put his hand over Kelly Ripa's mouth on "Live with Regis and Kelly," it ignited a firestorm across daytime television. We're surprised it didn't cause any havoc in Harmony on "Passions."

Favoritest TV Show: "Heroes." While "Lost" was busy dragging out its tiresome mysteries — there, we said it — this superhero drama moved forward with superhuman speed, improving upon a very ehhhh first episode and veering clear of copying "X-Men" by focusing intriguing they-could-be-real characters. We can't wait until 2007 to find out if we're on the list!   

Favoritest Video Game: "Loco Roco." Our favorite game this year wasn't on Wii or PlayStation 3. It was on — gasp! — the PlayStation Portable. With spirited graphics, addictive soundtrack and innovate gameplay, we think this gelatinous puzzle game was more vanguard than anything on those next-generation consoles.

Favoritest Blog: Adrants. We love this marketing and advertising blog for exposing bizarre commercials, flogs and silly P.R. campaigns. In a year when the line between entertainment and advertisement became even thinner, Adrants was there to point its finger and giggle. (And no, we didn't pick Adrants because they linked to our HeadOn post.)

Favoritest asap Story We Did: Waiting for Cats. This past year, we had the opportunity to create stories about amazing people (Mr. T, Bazooka Joe), amazing animals (Lassie, mascots), amazing places (Costa Rica, Flea World) and amazing things ("Second Life," Mardi Gras), but our favoritest was simply tailing a group of talented teenagers who were putting on an amateur production of "Cats."

Slug Gift Guide: Don't Forget Fido

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

You shouldn't surprise people on your shopping list with a pet for Christmas, according to animal welfare experts. That's like springing a kid on someone. However, this doesn't mean pups themselves should be left out of the gift-giving festivities Give the pooches you know something everyone would love for the holidays: beer and candy. Pup Life sells an organic 15-piece candy sampler for $10.99. And you can get some Happy Tail Ale — that's right, beer for dogs — from PetCo for $17.97. Woof!

12 Steps Picked to Live in a House

(AP Photo/HO/MTV)

Dear "The Real World: Denver" Cast,

Hello. How are you? We are good. We just finished the latest episode of your "reality" show that featured the following: crying, screaming, the n-word, an almost-but-not-quite physical altercation and lots and lots and lots of binge drinking. Two words of advice: Don't drink. Yes, we know it sounds crazy, but there are other things that would make for good TV. (Nobody ever drinks on "Heroes." Drugs? Sure. But he needs them to paint the future.) So don't drink. Please. Do. Not. Drink. Oh, look. Here's the preview for the next episode. What's this one about? Oh. It's about y'all getting into a fight in a bar. Sigh.

Truly,
The Slug

Sir, Would You Like Some Clark Kent Cheesesticks With That?

(AP Photo/HO/Papa John's)

Turkey. Turkey. Turkey. That's all everyone is talking about lately. Us? We'll settle for a nice slice of product-placement pizza. Look! Out at your doorstep! It's Papa John's Superman Pan Pizza! For $12.99, you get a coupon for $3 off the "Superman Returns" DVD and the kryptonite-free pie inside an electric blue box featuring Brandon Routh on the cover. (This is stranger than that Fudgems character.) So what's on a Superman Pan Pizza? Apparently, the Man of Steel likes pepperoni, sausage, ham, onions, black olives, green peppers and mushrooms. Hey, isn't that just The Works?

Everything is Possible in Kuala Lumpur

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Hello from the other side of the planet. Well, unless you're one of The Slug's Asian readers then hello from your neck of the woods. It's fabulous. We love what you've done with the place. Both the mall shopping and the eating here in KL is wonderfully decadent. It's like New Jersey but with much better food! For the past few days, we've been feasting on delicious Malaysian bites like roti cani, tissue bread and coconut rice. Today, we're gonna make like Fruit Loops and soak in a milk bath at the spa. And maybe later we'll regain our innocence at the Berjaya Times Square mall with some eyebrow shaping. Take a look at the menu. Romantic! Fantastic! Virgin? Who knew it was that easy!?

It's Cookie Time

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

The above poster is currently hanging in the lobby of AP World Headquarters. That's right. It's time again to open up your wallet and indulge in Girl Scout Cookies. And, apparently, a free smile comes with every box. This is an exciting Girl Scout policy The Slug was not aware of. As you can see, there's no fine print. So we will definitely be demanding separate smiles for each of the 12 boxes of Thin Mints we plan to order and then eat while watching the "Troop Beverly Hills" DVD. Beverly Hills! What a thrill!

"Survivor" is Better Off Drunk

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

No "Survivor: Cook Islands" castoff interview today, folks, because last night was this season's dreaded clip show. But there's plenty classics to keep you busy. Our favorite "new scenes" from the episode were lightweight Stephannie Favor's drunken campfire moments. Who had any clue she couldn't handle her booze? We wish Mark Burnett would let the audience see more funny, human moments like that during normal episodes. (Speaking of drinking, what the heck is in that empty bottle from the previews?! We must be spoiled.)

Diet Cherry 7UP Discovered in L.A.

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

As you may remember, The Slug was desperately seeking Diet Cherry 7UP a few months ago. Not 7UP. Not Cherry 7UP. And definitely not 7UP Plus. No, it had to be Diet Cherry 7UP. Despite what a spokeswoman told us, we never found it on the East Coast. But while we were in Los Angeles two weeks ago, we spotted the bubbly at Ralph's supermarket. (And for 77 cents, no less!) Are we gonna have to get this stuff shipped in for our fix?! Please send other Diet Cherry 7UP sightings to theslug@ap.org.

Slugshots: We Just Want to Dance with Somebody

• "The Greatest Love of All" is officially ending.
• K-Fed is right where he belongs: in the wrasslin' ring.
• Dogs! Tricks! Cute!
• The Slug will miss Sara Evans on "Dancing with the Stars."
• Cracked magazine relaunched its site. Bookmarked!
• Say hello to my little friend again and again and again.
• Mommy, we want this for Christmas!
• Sean Lennon sounds cool.
• Fine. But it won't bring you-know-who back.

She Just Wanted Some Mashed Potatoes

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

It all came down to some mashed potatoes for Stephannie Favor on "Survivor: Cook Islands" last night. The 35-year-old nursing student confided in her former Hiki tribemember (and fellow African-American) Nathan Gonzalez that she just wanted some mashed potatoes. (Apparently they don't make 'em in the Cook Islands. Who knew!) Then ol' Nate went behind her back and told the rest of the tribe, who unanimously sent the self-proclaimed "weakest link" packing. Goodbye. Let's find out if Steph got her taters in our post-castoff interview.

The Slug: First and most important question: Did you get some mashed potatoes?

Stephannie Favor: Yes I did. I should have. It's what cost me the game.

The Slug: Did you get mashed potatoes there? Did you have to wait until you got home to get mashed potatoes? What did the mashed potatoes taste like? I want to know everything about the mashed potatoes.

Stephannie Favor: I don't even remember anymore. I do know I had to wait until I got home. I just buttered them up real good. Lots of gravy with some type of meat, I think. But it was really good. Hindsight is 20/20. You just can't vocalize everything. Unfortunately, I thought I had a comfort level with Nate. It wasn't what I expected.

The Slug: How do you feel about that? You tell him something seemingly innocuous — that you wanted some mashed potatoes — and then he goes back and tells everyone and it becomes a reason to vote you off.

Stephannie Favor: I was really upset by that to be totally honest. We all talked about food everyday. We all had cravings. We all discussed those on a regular basis. For him to take one of those comments — one coming for me, in particular — it was a little frustrating for me and I was surprised it came from him.

The Slug: Once y'all merged, was there any talk for Hiki to stick together?

Stephannie Favor: No, we really didn't have that discussion per se. But from our original island, we had discussions about that. We all kind of felt like whoever went further along, we were gonna stick together. We probably should have gotten together once we got to the Raro tribe and reconfirmed our positions, but that never happened.

The Slug: So how do you feel about Nate stabbing you in the back?

What Do You Get a Hedgehog for His Birthday?

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Happy Birthday, Sonic the Hedgehog! The hyperactive lil' guy celebrated his 15th birthday today at the DigitalLife consumer gadget and video game convention with a giant orange cake. The Slug was there and we had a piece — with frosting. You know how we do. After the festivities, we took a speedy Sonic-style jog through the show to see what cool stuff is coming out.

Quickly: Windows Vista feels too much like XP, but the new operating system rocks when it comes to multimedia. The graphics on Playstation 3 are purrrty, but the controller is too awkward. The HotSeat Chassis, a go-kartish system for playing driving and flying games, is tons o' fun but would totally ruin players' feng shui. And call us old fashioned, but Nicole Ritchie and Virgin Mobile's new SLICE phone have something in common: Too thin!

Want more? Don't worry. The Slug will be going back to the show to take a closer look at some of the new games coming out this fall for everything from your cell phone to your Wii. Who knows? Maybe we'll help Sonic get his learner's permit on that HotSeat Chassis thingie.

Slugshots: Tyler Florance is Not Actully Cooking in the Back of Your Neighborhood Grill and Bar, Buddy

• Just when Vincent from "Project Runway" couldn't annoy us anymore, somebody fluffed and folded his shirts.
• Maybe she was upset about getting kicked off "Dancing with the Stars."
• Please don't judge Tyler Florence for this. Remember Rachel Ray used to do Burger King commercials.
• Scorcese's still got it, baby.
• Wonder if they'll have to rename those ugly PODS (Portable On Demand Storage) moving bins everyone has out in front of their houses. Our suggestion: TURDS (Transportation of Urgent Receptacle Delivery Storage).
• We'll wait for "Ugly Betty" shoes. Thanks.
• Chick-fil-a got it going on, y'all.
• Vivica, you better not punch Paris Hilton.
• Oh no. Those eyelashes.

Slugshots: What Do You Expect from a Breakfast Burrito?

• Maybe one of them can put together this darn HENSVIK.
• What about an elephant ringmaster?
• Well, somebody liked "Brothers & Sisters."
• Score! Fifty-one grams of fat in a burrito for $2.49.
• Oprah. Nice again!
• Who the hell is Camille Paglia?
• Agreed. But the hair? No so much.
• One out of 16 bloggers don't make their bed.

Human Contact Is So Five Minutes Ago

(AP Photo Illustration/Derrik J. Lang)

In honor of going on sabbatical from our day job as an asap reporter and our part-time job as The Slug to become a virtual stripper in the online game "Second Life," we'd like to present three free virtual worlds that you can join to get your cyberspace on. Beware! Product placement is more pervasive in virtual reality.

My Coke: We know what you're thinking, but this virtual world has nothing to do with that decadent drug of the '80s. It's actually a promotional online world for the soda. Users can create tunes, play games and — you knew it was coming — drink virtual pop.

Virtual Magic Kingdom: Love riding Space Mountain but hate the long lines? Well, you can visit Disney World without the physical hassle. Just create a bobble-headed avatar and trek around the totally bizarre, anime-style version of the famous theme park.

Virtual Laguna Beach: OMG. Now you can be just like Lauren and Kristin and Cami and Stephen and Jason from MTV's "Laguna Beach" and hang out in your bikini all day long and flirt with boys and go shopping for clothes and, you know, just chill. Mmmkay?

KFC Does Mothers Right

(AP Photo/Rob Carr)

Superman has the Justice League. Shaq has the Heat. Robin Hood has the Merry Men. And now Colonel Sanders has mothers. That's right. Mamas. A press release landed in The Slug's inbox announcing the formation of Kentucky Fried Chicken's Moms Matter! Advisory Board. Yeah, we have no idea either. Bet they'll guilt the Colonel into revealing his secret recipe. Here's the legs of the release:

Supporting the adage that moms really do know best, KFC today announced the formation of its KFC Moms Matter! Advisory Board. Moms from all walks of life and different parts of the country will join a group of mothers employed by KFC on the new Advisory Board. The group will help KFC harness the experience that motherhood provides, and channel that knowledge into ways to better meet moms' needs.

Slugshots: This is eggsolutely crossing the line

• Forget the feeds. We wanna know if Julie "Chenbot" Chen is preggers?
• "Oh, I see you registered for the eyeliner."
• Now this is eggbelieveable.
• Bogus clicks on The Slug do, too. Mom, we're looking at you.
• The blues ain't just a type of music. It's a lifestyle.
• Hide the E.V.O.O. Rachel Ray is getting her own talk show.
• Snakes will begin appearing on a plane within the first 15 minutes of "Snakes on a Plane." Sigh of relief!
• The Slug: But a Brad Pitt reunion would be funner.

Slugshots: Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Baby

• Every rose has its thorn.
• We'll drink to this — and read it.
• The truth behind the Gordon Ramsay Dog.
• Ellen DeGeneres, eat your heart out.
• Harsh.
• Too bad Father's Day has passed.

Rejoice! Diet Cherry 7UP to Return to Us!

(AP Photo/Rajesh Nirgude)

Prayer works. After being deprived of the pink velvety deliciousness for months, The Slug has learned that Diet Cherry 7UP will return to your grocer's soda aisle.

"Diet Cherry 7UP is rolling out across the nation in June — back by consumer demand," spokeswoman Christine Danuser told The Slug in an e-mail after, you know, we asked what the heck happened to the only soda that sorta reminds us of champagne. (BTW, the diet version tastes totally better than the regular version. And don't even get us started on 7UP Plus.)

Wow. The asap water filter was fixed this week and now this. What a great time for liquids.

Lost Blog Found in the Toy Department

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Apologies if postings seem sporadic this week. We will be attending the International 2006 Licsensing show. While that may sound professional, it's just code for playing with new toys and products — ahem, we mean brands — such as My Little Pony, NASCAR, Rocky Balboa, Tinker Bell and Homer Simpson. The Slug will bring you full reports on the funnest and weirdest stuff all week.

Slugshots: Can We Have Some Upside Down Water with That?

• This is what won all those Tonys?!
• We watched this for an hour today. It was boring.
• The Slug voted for "White Chicks."
• We don't believe this! We want a DNA test.
• See. You look hard enough and you'll find all sorts of thangs in a scrapbook.
• Upside down salads are probably very difficult to eat.
• We agree. Although the "American Idol" voting practices is another story.

My Burger is Bigger Than Your Burger

(AP Photo/Steve Pope)

Forget about that big burger our mouth was drooling over a few weeks ago. At 29 pounds, that beefy badboy is dainty compared to this biglicious 43-pound pork burger made of blue cheese, peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, custom bun, 35 pounds of sausage and (probably) love.

In this photo from last week's World Pork Expo in Iowa, proud mustached Americans Roger Davidson, left, and Mike Tucker show off their porker. Ladies and gentleman, I don't know about no flyin' cars, but I firmly believe we will see a 50-pound burger before 2010.

It's Our Birth and We'll Make Cupcakes If We Want To

It's official. As of that last posting, The Slug is a real live blog brought to you by the letters asap, The Associated Press, Derrik J. Lang and viewers like you. We're so excited. And we just can't hide it. In fact, we made Slugcakes. See.

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

I'll Take That Super-Super-Super-Super-Sized Please

(AP Photo/HO/Foxwoods)

This is scarier than Ronald McDonald! Here's a photo of that Guinness World Record-breaking big ol' burger we told you about last week. You can chow down on your very own 29.6 pounder at Fuddrucker’s at the Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut for $250 with at least 48 hours notice. We're not sure whether we want to eat this, vomit or both.

When It Comes to Starbucks, Our Lips Aren't Sealed

Recently, The Slug was caffeinated and transported to the Starbucks roasting plant and distribution center in York, Pa., for this totally interactive story.

The coffee masters were kind enough to grant us access to their java wonderland. (No kidding: The breakrooms are filled with as many fraps and lattes the workers care to drink.) The Starbucks folks even allowed us to "cup" several different blends of coffee. (It's like wine tasting for recovering alcoholics.)

However, the globalizin' empire didn't allow us to photograph several pieces of "proprietary information." But they didn't say we couldn't write about it! Ha ha ho ho. Starbucks' secrets, after the jump.

Slugfest: Only Eight More Months to Go 'Til Next Idol

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

The horror! The horror! It's Tuesday and "American Idol" won't be on tonight. How can we live without this juggernaut of modern entertainment on our television? Fox shouldn't except us to just go back to our humdrum lives without the vocal stylings of Taylor Hicks, that guy with the teeth, the dumb girl, those long-haired guys or, well, we forgot the other ones. Have no fear. The Slug is here.

• Start boning up for the next auditions with this "SingingCoach" software.
• Lower your expectations and watch "American Idol Undeground" online.
• Play the DVD board game "American Idol All Star Challenge" — from the makers of "Scene It."
• Buy your tickets for "Pop Tarts Presents American Idol Live!"
• Set your PVR/TiVo/DVR for "Idol" knockoffs "America's Got Talent," "The One," "Rock Star: Supernova" and "So You Think You Can Dance?"
• Drink some gin.

Slugfest: Only Eight More Months to Go 'Til Next Idol

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

The horror! The horror! It's Tuesday and "American Idol" won't be on tonight. How can we live without this juggernaut of modern entertainment on our television? Fox shouldn't except us to just go back to our humdrum lives without the vocal stylings of Taylor Hicks, that guy with the teeth, the dumb girl, those long-haired guys or, well, we forgot the other ones. Have no fear. The Slug is here.

• Start boning up for the next auditions with this "SingingCoach" software.
• Lower your expectations and watch "American Idol Undeground" online.
• Play the DVD board game "American Idol All Star Challenge" — from the makers of "Scene It."
• Buy your tickets for "Pop Tarts Presents American Idol Live!"
• Set your PVR/TiVo/DVR for "Idol" knockoffs "America's Got Talent," "The One," "Rock Star: Supernova" and "So You Think You Can Dance?"
• Drink some gin.

And We Wonder Why Americans are Obese

In celebration of National Hamburger Month, chefs at the Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest commercially available hamburger tomorrow by creating a 25-pound beast. The fries, however, will be regular size.

Slugshots: Venti Meryl Streeps for Everyone

• Hmmm. We always suspected Aquaman.
• Can she also get us a grande chai latte too? Thanks.
• And then we can go back to living a peaceful existence.
• Yeesh. We don't even like leaving our neighborhood on the weekend.
• Like that's gonna help.
• Wow. Being a rock star can save your life.