The Slug

Reese On Topics Not Including Jake Gyllenhaal

(AP Photo/HO/Elle)

Reese Witherspoon is gracing the October cover of Elle. The long bangs are rocking our world, but doesn't that dress make it look like her bra is showing? Inside the magazine, Gavin Hood, director of her upcoming film "Rendition" co-starring Jake Gyllenhaal, says the pair didn't have an affair. They didn't even film any scenes together! Witherspoon doesn't address the rumors herself. Here's the juiciest quotes:

On dealing with hard times post-split with husband Ryan Phillipe: "There’s this moment in 'Walk the Line' where June Carter says, 'I was never aware of how much I was seen.' I was very aware of how much I was seen."

On the tabloids: "Everybody is hung out to dry now. It’s one thing if you’re up for it and you want it, and you go out without your panties on. But if you’re wearing your panties, gosh darn it, leave me alone!"

On claims that she is always in control: “I wouldn’t be able to do what I do if I were (always in control). I wouldn’t be able to have the empathy or the capacity to understand different lives.”

Dear "Diaries"

(AP Photo/HO/Twentieth Century Fox/Barry Wetcher)

Layoffs make for great drama! While watching a preview screener for SoapNet's new "Devil Wears Prada" and "Ugly Betty" inspired reality series "The Fashionista Diaries," which chronicles three pairs of assistants in the fashion biz in New York, The Slug couldn't help but wonder what's gonna happen to the two assistants assigned to Jane magazine, which folded earlier this month. According to a press release that landed in our inbox, they'll be "reassigned" to CosmoGirl magazine and the Jane closure drama will be part of the show, which premieres Aug. 1. Now if only the Jane staff members not being chronicled for a reality show were so lucky.

Oprah vs. McConaughey

(AP Photo/Dima Gavrysh/J.P. Moczulski)

Is it better to be hot or powerful? Oprah Winfrey tops Forbes magazine's "Celebrity Power 100 List" while Matthew McConaughey is People magazine's "Bachelor of the Year." Could these two be any different? She's so smart and inspirational and he, well, he has amazing abs. Whether you responded hot or powerful, you're wrong. The correct answer is both! Next year, The Slug would really love to see these publications pool their resources to find the powerfulest and sexiest celebrity. By this time next year, that just may be someone we'd never expect.

Now Playing at the Peach Pit After Dark

(AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)

Every now and then, Entertainment Weekly delivers a delicious lesson. (Full disclosure: We once interned at EW a long time ago during a summer far, far away.) In this week's music section, as a sidenote to EW's review of Maroon 5's "It Won't Be Soon Before Long," the magazine teaches us that the band's previous incarnation, Kara's Flowers, played the Peach Pit After Dark in a "Beverly Hills 90210" episode from 1997. Luckily, the clip is available on YouTube, along with Tori Spelling delivering this line: "Wow, the band sounds great. It's too bad there's not a bigger crowd." Ha! Look who's attracting bigger audiences now, Donna Martin!

Bruce Willis Goes There

(AP Photo/HO/Vanity Fair/Annie Leibovitz)

A rugged and big-headed-lookin' Bruce Willis is gracing the June cover of Vanity Fair. (Wait a sec. Wasn't Demi Moore just on the cover, too?) In case you hadn't heard amid the hullabaloo over superheroes and pirates, "Live Free and Die Hard" (or "Die Hard 4," as we like to call it) is hitting theaters this summer. So, after all these years, does Willis still got it? He doesn't think so, at least when it comes to media attention. What does he blame for his lack of press coverage? Naked vaginas, of course. Here's what he told the magazine:

“They’re not writing about guys my age much anymore, unless I do something naughty. They’re writing about the kids. That’s what drives the pop culture now. Anything goes, to the point when if it’s OK for young pop stars or film stars to show photos of their naked vaginas in a magazine, then it’s over, man."

Drew Barrymore is More Beautiful Than You

(AP Photo/Stephen Chernin)

Drew Barrymore has been selected as People magazine's covergirl for this year's "100 Most Beautiful" list. Yawn. What's more interesting than that news is People's "Stars Without Makeup" feature in the issue starring the likes of Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel and Barrymore au natural. It's probably just shameless, but the seventh star without makeup in the online version is a form to subscribe to People. Funny. We actually prefer it with a little mascara.

Free Wedding Advice!!!

(AP Photo/Charles Maring/Maring Photography)

Did Christmas come early this year or what? Along with free gasoline, you can get some free wedding advice today. And you don't even have to be in New York for this limited time offer! Modern Bride magazine has assembled a panel of experts — everyone from a cake baker to an interfaith minister — and made them available at 1-866-802-4520 from 2 to 5 p.m. EST today.

We've tried calling before that window to ask about wedding reception garter removal, but nobody was there yet. Blushing brides, don't be surprised if you hear a British lass say, "We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls." Keep trying! Let us know at theslug@ap.org if you actually speak to a real person (and if we can bring a plus-one to your nuptials).

Demi Moore Returns to Vanity Fair

(AP Photo/HO/Vanity Fair/Mario Testino/American Society of Magazine Editors)

Would you look at Demi Moore on the upcoming February 2007 cover of Vanity Fair next to her infamous Annie Leibovitz nakey pregnant cover from August 1991? Other than the white robe, some gold heels, a — what would you call that on her head? — and no bun in the oven, she practically looks the same! (Also interesting: That "How Saddam Survived" story from '91. Creepy!) And speaking of babies, Moore tells VF she indeed wants some lil' Ashton Kutchers. The quote:

"Most definitely. Most definitely. Once you hit three, where you’re outnumbered, it’s really, like, 'What’s the difference between (three or) four or five?' For me, the most important thing that I’ve contributed is my children."

Our Favoritest Things in 2006

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Our long national nightmare is almost over! The year-end lists that plague this time of year will be null and void at the stroke of midnight Sunday. So before we take off for a three-day weekend full of speculating and drinking, here's, um, yet another year-end list! We skipped the crap and just went for our favoritiest pop culture nuggets from 2006. If you disagree or think there was something better, we probably didn't see it — or you're just wrong.

Favoritest Viral Video: Reverend Alecia. She simply spun, spun, spun around on a gold lamé-covered office chair to "give praise to the name of the Lord," but there was something so hilariously beautiful about it. And just when you thought you've had enough, she spins via split-screen.

Favoritest Song: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Sure, it's played out now, but we remember when, we remember, we remember at the beginning of the year when the infectious beat and repetitious lyrics shook our tush. While OutKast was busy making a movie, Gnarls Barkley's Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo filled the genre-spanning void with the bestest ditty of 2006.

Favoritest Commercial: Little Richard for Geico. Usually we cringe at celebrities shilling in ads. (Case in point: Alan Thicke offering a "second honeymoon" at the Tahiti Village in Las Vegas. Oh, brother.) But Little Richard steals the show while hawking car insurance with the best description of Thanksgiving dinner ever. Whooo!!!

Favoritest Reality TV Show: "Survivor: Cook Islands." It started with a scandal and could've gone horribly wrong. Instead, viewers of this aging reality show were treated to a season of interesting twists that had nothing to do with that racial divide. By season's end, we were left with a dominating multicultural alliance who concluded the potentially viscous game with more integrity than any previous season.

Favoriest Movie: "Borat" and "The Queen." We know. We know. We're lame for the tie, but we couldn't pick just one. Surprisingly, we sorta loved both for the same reason. These scathing looks at two very different cultures successfully undulated between real and fake, fact and fiction. "Borat" did it for laughs. "The Queen" did it for chills. And we're better for watching both.

Favoritest Roller Coaster: Tatsu. Opened in April, this soaring Japanese-themed coaster, which suspends riders horizontally, whirls 170-feet above Six Flags Magic Mountain's other rides and — gulp! — the ground. When we visited Los Angeles in October, we rode in the front and truly felt like Superman.

Favoritest Game Show: "The Price is Right." You can keep "Deal or No Deal," "1 vs. 100," "Identity" and all those other prime-time game shows. They're boring and, frankly, seem phony. We'll take the crazy everyday men and women who compose "The Price is Right" audience any day of the week. And although Bob Barker announced he's retiring next year, we think he's still got it.

Favoritest Scandal: Clay Aiken's hand. When the "American Idol" runner-up put his hand over Kelly Ripa's mouth on "Live with Regis and Kelly," it ignited a firestorm across daytime television. We're surprised it didn't cause any havoc in Harmony on "Passions."

Favoritest TV Show: "Heroes." While "Lost" was busy dragging out its tiresome mysteries — there, we said it — this superhero drama moved forward with superhuman speed, improving upon a very ehhhh first episode and veering clear of copying "X-Men" by focusing intriguing they-could-be-real characters. We can't wait until 2007 to find out if we're on the list!   

Favoritest Video Game: "Loco Roco." Our favorite game this year wasn't on Wii or PlayStation 3. It was on — gasp! — the PlayStation Portable. With spirited graphics, addictive soundtrack and innovate gameplay, we think this gelatinous puzzle game was more vanguard than anything on those next-generation consoles.

Favoritest Blog: Adrants. We love this marketing and advertising blog for exposing bizarre commercials, flogs and silly P.R. campaigns. In a year when the line between entertainment and advertisement became even thinner, Adrants was there to point its finger and giggle. (And no, we didn't pick Adrants because they linked to our HeadOn post.)

Favoritest asap Story We Did: Waiting for Cats. This past year, we had the opportunity to create stories about amazing people (Mr. T, Bazooka Joe), amazing animals (Lassie, mascots), amazing places (Costa Rica, Flea World) and amazing things ("Second Life," Mardi Gras), but our favoritest was simply tailing a group of talented teenagers who were putting on an amateur production of "Cats."

What a Card!

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Merry Christmas from The Slug! We're peacing out for the next few days. Check back next week as we'll continue to preview midseason shows. Enjoy the holidays. As our Christmas gift to you, we're gonna let you peep at some of our favorite holiday cards that we received from various networks, record labels, media outlets and public relations firms. Come inside and make yourself warm.

Slugshots: We Just Want to Dance with Somebody

• "The Greatest Love of All" is officially ending.
• K-Fed is right where he belongs: in the wrasslin' ring.
• Dogs! Tricks! Cute!
• The Slug will miss Sara Evans on "Dancing with the Stars."
• Cracked magazine relaunched its site. Bookmarked!
• Say hello to my little friend again and again and again.
• Mommy, we want this for Christmas!
• Sean Lennon sounds cool.
• Fine. But it won't bring you-know-who back.

You Can Quit Looking Now

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

It's finally over — or it's just beginning, depending on your perspective. "The Lost Experience," that wacky multiplatform summer companion to the show that won't quit screwing with our brain (and even seeped into Comic-Con this summer), is coming to a close on Sept. 24 with a live Internet radio broadcast that will surrender a link to a video "revealing the truth behind the actions of the Hanso Foundation," according to an ABC statement. But then the new season of "Lost" starts Oct. 4 and more questions will probably be asked but not answered. Pass the Dharma gin, please.

Disturbing Omission in Tyra Mail

(AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

Poor Giles Bensimon! The CW (or The Country Western, as The Slug likes to call it) sent us a press release about the new grand prize for the latest cycle of "America's Next Top Model," which starts tonight. It says besides that $100,000 contract with CoverGirl, this year's package includes a contract with Elite Model Management and a cover and six-page fashion spread in Seventeen magazine. (Previously, the winner received a contract with Ford modeling agency and a photo spread in Elle magazine.) Does this mean we won't have to hear Tyra say "world renowned photographer Giles Bensimon" every week?

Baby Suri Could Go Bald

(AP Photo/HO/Vanity Fair)

Here's the first thing we thought when we saw that first photo of Suri Cruise (and you probably did, too): "Damn, that kid's got a lot of hair!" The Slug wanted to know if this is normal for a five-month-old cutie pie so we called our pediatrician, well, a pediatrician. Dr. Andy Spooner from the University of Tennessee Health Science Center and Le Bonheur Children's Medical Center tells us it's perfectly common. But he also says daddy Tom and mommy Katie should be prepared for some fall out. Says the doctor:

"Babies have a two-phase hair thing going on. It's an interesting topic. Parents are often surprised at how different their baby's hair is at age 12 months, after having had a full head of hair in the first few months of life.

The loss of all that great newborn hair is the infant's introduction to the concept that life is not fair. Thick, dark, luxuriant, straight hair becomes baby-fine and closer to its childhood color, but only after an awkward phase with lots of loose hair in the crib, and maybe even unsightly bald spots."

We Love Katie Couric Just the Way She Is

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Gasp! Cancel our subscription to Watch! magazine. Wait. What? You can download it for free? Oh. Well then don't you dare try to give it to us, CBS. We won't take it because we understand it contains altered photos of America's Next Top News Anchor that make her look freakishly thinner. How dare a magazine use Photoshop to distort the reality of a middle-aged female newswoman. You know, unless it's to give her a cute puppy.

Slugshots: That Guy Doesn't Look Anything Like Topher Grace

• Yeah, that's right, Timbylake. Taylor Hicks already brought sexy back.
• Call us immature. We prefer high school movies but these are cool, too.
• Speaking of Taylor. He gets what he wants and goes where he pleases. Ford, however, doesn't.
• China opens the world's largest place to hurt your bum.
• Dude, no you don't.
• Personally, we'll miss all those embarassing stories about boys and tampons.
• Usually you don't see Nicole Kidman and Pat Sajak next to each other.

TV's Best Prudes

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

In honor of Maxim's recently released TV's Best Nymphos list, The Slug decided to craft a collection of our own. But instead of saluting sluts, we're giving credit to those characters on the other side of the sheets: the covered-up goody-goodies who tease us on television with their virginal views and wholesome hearts. Ladies and gentleslugs, may we present TV's Best Prudes.

Jasper Shows Us His Best Side

(AP Photos/HO/Traditional Home)

I know yesterday's news of Meredith Vieria's Photoshopped dog shocked you. But what's this on the Traditional Home Web site? It's Jasper! Either the Traditional Home design team perfected their Photoshop technique or the Aussiepoo is really real (and really larger than his cut-and-paste alter ego).

Meredith Vieira Poses Next to Photoshopped Dog

(AP Photo/HO/Traditional Home)

Tacky yet sophisticated Meredith Vieira always was our favorite co-host from "The View." But where's she been during all the Star Jones Reynolds vs. Barbara Walters drama? Seems she was hiding out in her fabulously renovated crib, which is featured in next month's Traditional Home magazine, with an Aussiepoo named Jasper.

Take a closer look at that photo of Vieira and her pooch. The poor thing's been haphazardly Photoshopped next to her! We all know magazines use computer magic for digital liposuction and face lifts — but canine injections? Oh my Lassie. That's new to us. Is Jasper just a figment of her imagination? Or is it in Jasper's contract to not actually appear with Vieira? Does she — gasp! — not even own a dog named Jasper?

Always an animal lover, The Slug wanted to know. So we put in a call to a Traditional Home spokeswoman who said Jasper does indeed exist, but she's not sure why he was cut-and-pasted next to the future "Today" show co-host. Maybe Barbara Walters will employ this technology for that Debbie Matenopoulos appearance next week.

Nick and Jessica: Newly Not Wed Anymore

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

In case you were hoping Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson would reconcile — if not for love, at least for another season of "Newlyweds" — well, don't. People is reporting their divorce is finally final. Over. Done. Finished. Chewed up and spit out like a buffalo wing. According to papers filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Jessica's name is restored to Jessica Simpson (from Jessica Simpson Lachey). Happy Independence Day everyone!

Making the Brand

(AP Photo/HO/Hasbro)

Huge Superman! Giant Pikachu! Behemoth Jennifer Aniston! Everything is supersized — except McDonald's — at the Licensing 2006 International show at the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center on Manhattan's West Side. Even the "My Little Pony" is enormous at this show where marketing mavens hock brands from the United States Postal Service to "Bratz." Read the full report on upcoming product weirdness after the jump.

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Small Appliances Favored Over Magazines at asap

(AP Photo/HO/Blender)

The Slug just overheard this at asap:

asap editor 1: Would anybody like a Blender?

asap editor 2: Ooohhh. A blender?

asap editor 1: (Holds up magazine.)

asap editor 2: Oh. Blender the magazine. No thanks.

If you do want Blender the magazine, check out the "juicy" press release after the jump.

Magazines Go Boy Crazy This Week

(AP Photo/HO/People)

We're not sure why we're writing about this (other than an excuse to to post another photo of Taylor Hicks), but both People and TV Guide are going gaga over guys this week. TV Guide has their Television's Sexiest Men list while People unveils their Hottest Bachelors Issue. Guess it's been awhile since the glossies got some.

Anyway, the latter proclaims Hicks as the No. 1 Hottest Bachelor and also set up an e-mail address to find a blonde woman Hicks told the mag he "would probaly fall in love" with had he chatted her up on a plane. Well, not all blondes read People and The Slug wants to find this mystery lady first — we promise we won't hurt her — so we posted this message on Hicks' behalf in craigslist.org's missed connections section:

Did you make sexy eyes at a prematurely gray-haired dude? - m4w - 29

Reply to: pers-171840074@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-06-15, 9:03AM PDT

Whoooo! We're posting this for a friend of ours. He's shy. If you're blonde, beautiful, were on a plane recently and locked eyes with a juicy 6'1"-tall silver-haired crooner from 'Bama, we want to talk to you. He thinks it could be love at first sight for ya'll. Just think of the "Possibilities." If you were actually into him and weren't just staring at him because he recently became superfamous and rich after winning the biggest show on television, e-mail us and you could become the First Lady of Soul Patrol. This is serious. Whoooo!