The Slug

The Slug is Not Bringing Sexy Back

(AP Photo/Jeff Christensen)

Will The Slug be liveblogging the MTV Video Music Awards tonight? No. Will we be in attendance? Nope. Will we even be watching? Sorry. The VMAs typifies everything we hate about awards shows these days. The please-buy/see-my-movie/TV show/CD appearances are nauseating. And the show itself is less about awards or videos and more about spontaneous (yet totally scripted) moments. Sorry, MTV. The VMAs have lost their luster in the "American Idol"-ized world of music. Besides, there's a double eviction on "Big Brother" tonight.

Original "Snakes on a Plane" Director Wanted to KILL (OFF) SAM JACKSON!!!

(AP Photo/HO/Rogue Pictures)

While interviewing Ronny Yu (the one on the left, fools), The Slug's B.F.F. and "Snakes on a Plane" correspondent Ryan Pearson asked about the blog-buzzed horror film that Yu was originally supposed to direct (and that has pretty much flopped at the box office). The Hong Kong horror master cited the boring "creative differences" explanation, but then gave us the juice. He initially signed on because of the title (duh!) and though he was friendly with Samuel L. Jackson, Yu wasn't sure Jackson was the right fit for the film. Here's his explanation:

"If you put Samuel L. Jackson in it, and you have snakes on a plane, who is the star of the show? Is it Samuel L. Jackson, or is it the snake? If you want Samuel L. Jackson to be the hero, then the snakes weren't that important, because you knew at the end Samuel L. Jackson would save the day."

His big UNLESS: "If I'm allowed the creative freedom, then I'll do it a little differently with Samuel L. Jackson. I'll make him more of a surprise for the audience. ... He can be a cool guy, but kill off the cool guy, so people hate those snakes. Rather than have the normal hero come save the day, I think the audience wants to see something a little bit different, unpredictable. Of course, working with a studio you have to follow what they set down, what their rules are."

Bottom line: Yu wanted to kill off Sam Jackson. The studio didn't. Yu left.

GM Drives Away from "Survivor"

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

You know how toward the end of every season of "Survivor" someone wins a GM car in a challenge? And you know how the $1 million prize winner usually receives one, too? Yeah, well, that ain't happening during the upcoming "Cook Islands" season because — after sponsoring "Survivor" since Richard Hatch was trolling around the beach in his birthday suit — GM is pulling out. BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT WHOLE RACE THING. That's what they're saying.

We Love Katie Couric Just the Way She Is

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Gasp! Cancel our subscription to Watch! magazine. Wait. What? You can download it for free? Oh. Well then don't you dare try to give it to us, CBS. We won't take it because we understand it contains altered photos of America's Next Top News Anchor that make her look freakishly thinner. How dare a magazine use Photoshop to distort the reality of a middle-aged female newswoman. You know, unless it's to give her a cute puppy.

Ding Dong! Danielle Goes Cuckoo on "Big Brother."

(AP Photo)

Knock. Knock. Who's there? Thatcher. Thatcher who? That sure was insane on "Big Brother" last night when an intoxicated Danielle Reyes repeatedly rang the doorbell on the Head of Household bedroom after learning she would be put up for nomination. Who knows what she would have done/said if Erika Landin actually opened the door.

The edited version on CBS paled — paaaled! — in comparsion to what actually happened on the live feeds. Thanks to everyone who said we should keep 'em. And thanks to The CapBlog for posting it on YouTube. The Slug will most likely be chatting with Reyes come Friday. Send your questions and knock knock jokes to [email protected].

T-Minus One Week Until Rosie

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Tropical Storm Ernesto? Bah! We're watching our Doppler radar for Hurricane Rosie. Next Tuesday, the Queen of Nice and/or Mean hits "The View" as the new moderator in the wake of Tropical Cyclone Star, Tropical Depression Debbie and Meredith Vieira. The Slug will be liveblogging from inside audience. And this time we'll be wearing pants.

We're not sure exactly what's gonna go down, but we suspect Rosie O'Donnell will be giving mad stuff o' way. According to ABC, "those with press seats for 'The View' on Tuesday, Sept. 5, will not be eligible to receive any giveaway valued at $75 or higher." Well, of course not. We wouldn't want to upset the Rosierator. (That's a combo of Rosie and moderator — not Terminator, you negative nelly.)

Jessica, We're Sure You Understand

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Problem! As you're most likely oh-so-well aware, today is the Hurricane Katrina anniversary. Seems like everywhere we look, someone is remembering/honoring the devastation that occurred on the Gulf Coast (while simultaneously freaking out about Ernesto). Well, the issue we're facing is how to hop on this bandwagon.

We want to be a part! Really! But The Slug is a pop culture blog. Serious stuff ain't really our forté. So what can we do? Well, this is what we can do: We're not going to blog about Jessica Simpson or her "Public Affair," which hits record stores/Wal-Marts today. We're not gonna let this be her day, you know?

Besides, apparently she's keeping quiet, too.

Liveblogging the Emmys! In Our Undies!

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

Get excited. It's Emmy night. And The Slug is reporting live from the, um, shag carpet in, uh, our living room. Talk about access to, you know, the fridge. Keep clicking refresh all night as we provide commentary on the winners and losers, catty remarks on the speeches and words of support for host Conan O'Brien — in our underwear! Let's us know what you're doing at [email protected].

11:01 p.m.: The show ended after 11 o'clock. KILL BOB NEWHART!

10:58 p.m.: Another report from Ryan Pearson, our man on the inside: "All the press is served Voss water, by the way, which is pretty sweet. I drank like $42 worth of water tonight."

10:57 p.m.: Finally an award we can get behind. "24" was on point this past season and is completely deserving of Outstanding Drama. Actually, "Lost" is more deserving, but for some reason that show wasn't nominated.

10:55 p.m.: Damn! Damn! Damn! "Arrested Development" didn't win. Revenge just out of our reach!

10:45 p.m.: The Slug's B.F.F. and asap reporter Ryan Pearson (who's, like, actually working the Emmys) just IMed us this exclusive report about Joan Collins (!!!) backstage: "Joan Collins just name-dropped 'Snakes on a Plane' backstage! Sweet! I wasn't listening until she said it. I think somebody asked what she was scared of or something along those lines. She said: 'Snakes.' Pause. Beat. 'On a plane.'" That Joan!

10:44 p.m.: Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series?! Whoa. That's like the Red Sox winning the World Series. Sorry for the sports metaphor. Sorry.

10:34 p.m.: "My great triumph was not falling ass over tit as I came up those stairs," Helen Mirren said at the beginning of her acceptance speech for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie. No, her great triumph was getting that past the censors.

James: "I'm not dying. I'm going to sequester, which will probably be worse than death considering my company."

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

James Rhine was blindsided by his Legion of Doom on "Big Brother 7" last night and received a vote from Janelle Pierzina, his former ally who he turned on when she didn't do what he wanted. I mean, when you call your alliance the Legion of Doom, how can you trust 'em? The Slug chatted with the paranoid player before he was sent to the tropics with Marcellas Reynolds and Howie Gordon. Yikes!

The Slug Saaalutes CMT for Airing "Hee Haw" Reruns

(AP Photo/HO/CMT)

Wudya get if you cross "Laugh-In" with a redneck? The iconic bumpkin variety show "Hee Haw," which CMT has unbelieveably but thankfully begun airing reruns of this summer. (Maybe it has something to do with that spot-on "Wonder Shozen" spoof "Horse Apples.") The Slug is falling in love again with the vintage cheesy production values, live but obviously lip-synced country music performances and corny jokes told from the middle of a cornfield . We can't help but wonder if  "Hee Haw" was actually self-aware during its 25-season run. Doesn't matter. It's still funnier than "SNL."