The Slug

Danny and Oswald Dance Off "Amazing Race"

(AP Photo/HO/CBS/Robert Voets)

Yes, we know. We're rude little pigs for not following along with "Amazing Race: All Stars" this season. The episodes have just sorta been lingering in The Slug's DVR like voicemails from Alec Baldwin. We were mostly able to catch up this weekend including with last night's thrilling new episode, which featured one ultra sensitive GPS gadget and the last elimination before next week's finale.

Poor Danny and Oswald. They were the supreme court jesters of this season and they missed their chance at the $1 million to the likes of those toothy cheerleaders and sad sacks Eric and Danielle. Looks like we'll be rooting for Charla next week. That's right. Just Charla. Not Mirna. We're hoping for a race first: ditching your annoying partner before crossing the finish line.

Bruce Willis Goes There

(AP Photo/HO/Vanity Fair/Annie Leibovitz)

A rugged and big-headed-lookin' Bruce Willis is gracing the June cover of Vanity Fair. (Wait a sec. Wasn't Demi Moore just on the cover, too?) In case you hadn't heard amid the hullabaloo over superheroes and pirates, "Live Free and Die Hard" (or "Die Hard 4," as we like to call it) is hitting theaters this summer. So, after all these years, does Willis still got it? He doesn't think so, at least when it comes to media attention. What does he blame for his lack of press coverage? Naked vaginas, of course. Here's what he told the magazine:

“They’re not writing about guys my age much anymore, unless I do something naughty. They’re writing about the kids. That’s what drives the pop culture now. Anything goes, to the point when if it’s OK for young pop stars or film stars to show photos of their naked vaginas in a magazine, then it’s over, man."

Which Games Shouldn't Walk the Plank?

(AP Photo/J. Pat Carter)

We need your assistance, matey. Our next installment of Up Down Left Right, asap's weekly gamer video, will be a treasure chest full of commentary on pirate-themed video games. Let Cap'n Slug know yer favoritest pirate wares at [email protected] so they be included in our round-up. ("Age of Pirates," the "Monkey Island" series and "Sid Mier's Pirates!" are already aboard. Argh!) And, in case you missed it, check out this week's Up Down Left Right starring this summer's scurvy movie adaption titles.

"Drive" Bye

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Don't say we didn't try, "Drive." That potentially great show about an illegal cross-country road race won't reach the finish line. As you may have heard, Fox canceled it. Sigh. And we were just adjusting to the idea of substituting our hearty diet of "Heroes" and "Lost" this summer with "Drive." As if this news wasn't bad enough, we had to motor through these pun-fueled headlines about the cancellation.

• Fox Slams Brakes on "Drive" [MediaWeek]
• "Drive" Runs Out of Gas [Variety]
• Fox Impounds "Drive" [ComingSoon]
• "Drive" Gets the Shaft at Fox [iF Magazine]
• Fox Revokes License to "Drive" [Zap2It.com]
• "Drive" Drives Away [Sound the Sirens]

Favoritiest Photo of the Week: Mannequin

(AP Photo/NIPA)

Dude, at first glance, this Favoritest Photo of the Week looks like it could be some crazy elaborately setup Gregory Crewdson photo or something, but it's real — and totally awesome. Apparently, those unarmed legs were part of some Estonian looting and vandalism. The original caption:

With a part of a mannequin which was apparently stolen from a shop by looters, in the background, Estonian police cordon a battle-scarred street of Tallinn shortly after riots early Friday, April 27, 2007. Overnight clashes, looting and vandalism were sparked by the government's move to relocate the Bronze Soldier — a monument to Red Army soldiers killed fighting the Nazis. (AP Photo/NIPA)

Knocked Up with "Lost" Questions

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Ugh. Sorry we didn't get around to posting about "Lost" yesterday. The latest episode prompted many questions about what's going on and required mucho discussion here in the asap department. Of course, we have no idea what's going on, but The Slug definitely feels like we're leading up to a war between the Oceanic Flight 815 passengers and The Others — and some sort of big revelation. E-mail your answers to [email protected].

• First and most obvious question: How did Mikhail survive? Was he able to heal?
• Was Juliet playing dumb about Sun being preggers?
• Is Kate pregnant, too? Or could that biscuit machine also dispense rubbers?
• Why was the pilot speaking several different languages when everyone else was speakin' English?
• How could the pilot not know who Desmond is yet have a photo of him?
• Who does the pilot work for?
• How was wreckage of Flight 815 found? Did Dharma or Hanso plant fake wreckage?
• What time is it? Is it still 2004 on the island and 2007 outside of the island?
• Is Juliet planning the bestest triple cross ever?

"American Idol" Gives Us an Ulcer

(AP Photo/HO/Fox/Frank Micelotta)

Can we get the two hours we spent watching last night's "Idol Gives Back" special back? Hey, The Slug loves us a good cause, but the bizarre green-screen celebrity appearances, Celine Dion's duet with a computer-generated Elvis Presley and Ryan Seacrest repeatedly promising the "most shocking" voting results in "American Idol" history and then not giving anyone the boot was just bad TV. (Of course Jack Black and Seal delivered, but that was just a five-minute cameo!) Are we crazy scrooges for hating this Very Special Episode? Nope. Two of our favoritest TV blogs — reality blurred and TVgasm — also agree. So, seriously, can we at least get our one hour and 55 minutes back?

Drew Barrymore is More Beautiful Than You

(AP Photo/Stephen Chernin)

Drew Barrymore has been selected as People magazine's covergirl for this year's "100 Most Beautiful" list. Yawn. What's more interesting than that news is People's "Stars Without Makeup" feature in the issue starring the likes of Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel and Barrymore au natural. It's probably just shameless, but the seventh star without makeup in the online version is a form to subscribe to People. Funny. We actually prefer it with a little mascara.

Have a Cow, Man

(AP Photo/HO/Fox)

Is it 1994 again? "The Simpsons" movie is driving into multiplexes this summer and now Universal Studios Orlando officially announced that a "Simpsons" motion-simulator ride will take over the space previously occupied by the "Back to the Future" ride. The new attraction will thrust visitors into an adventure through Krusty Land. Sounds totally rad, dude.
   
We remember a time when we were much younger when "The Simpsons" lived alongside "Married with Children" and "In Living Color" on Fox. Bart Simpson was plastered everywhere. And although we didn't get the jokes back then, we appreciate them now. With these new — or maybe late? — forays into expensive new mediums, the 20-year-old franchise is experiencing a most interesting pop cultural renaissance.

Who Should Replace Rosie?

Are you sitting down? Rosie O'Donnell is leaving "The View." We're not sure how we'll be able to continue watching the daytime hen party without Star Jones or Rosie O'Donnell. They were forces to be reckoned with. Joy Behar is great and all, but she's just a severe downpour. Jones and O'Donnell were hurricanes, baby. So we're unleashing our five Rosie replacements who might help "The View" weather this storm.