The Slug

J.Lo Explodes On "Dancing with the Stars"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Explosions. Glitter. Backup dancers. Big hair. Strobe lights. And lots of dangling fabric. There was so much stuff happening during Jennifer Lopez's performance on "Dancing with the Stars: The Results" last night, it's as if the "international superstar" was trying to hide something! Oh, and it's too bad about Mark Cuban getting voted off. We kinda liked the big lunk, but the judges were right. He really wasn't improving, despite his best efforts. Unlike previous seasons, we really have no clue who the Final Two will be this time.

The Slug Buys It Now

(AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

Last night, The Slug attended eBay's Game Show Night, a press event featuring Andy Ritcher and Paul F. Tompkins as hosts of a made-up eBay-themed game show — complete with podiums, flashing lights and prizes. It was cute and fun. Unfortch, we weren't selected to come on down. However, we were clued into the auction site's cool new features, which include a handy-dandy countdown page (no more hitting refresh only to learn you've been outbid by someone in Montana) and the ability to embed video in listings. Time to go shopping for old Yaz records!

Fainting "with the Stars"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

As Marie Osmond was twirling around the "Dancing with the Stars" ballroom during last night's spicy Latin Night, The Slug thought to ourselves, "You know what? We didn't think we'd like her. We even had the audacity to call her an old geezer at one point. But she's become one of the most entertaining celebrities to watch this season."

Then, as she was being critiqued by the judges, Osmond fainted. She's fine. The question is: Will the producers choose to show Osmond falling to the floor repeatedly and in slow motion on tonight's results show, like they did with Jennie Garth's quickstep tumble a few weeks ago? Probably. "Dancing with the Stars" has a way of hiking up the drama higher than Edyta Sliwinska's skirt.

Halloween Costumes Ideas

(AP Photos)

The Slug's favoritest holiday is just around the corner. That means it's time to dress up like a celebrity train wreck and hope everyone else in the room gets it. The Slug suspects lots of folks will be Anna Nicole Smith and Paris Hilton, so we're opting for other topical pop-culture icons. This year, we're keeping it simple (and cheap!), so all our ideas consist of just three elements. Let us know which of these five characters you think would garner us more tricks than treats.

• Bee Hive Wig + Black Tooth Makeup + Illegal Substances = Amy Winehouse
• Computer Chip Contacts + Cleavage + Sagging Ratings = "Bionic Woman"
• Bad Weave + Glittery Bra and Panties + No Facial Expression = Britney Spears
• Wallet Chain + Suicidal Tendencies Shirt + Farting = "Evel" Dick Donato
• Ponyhawk Wig + Microphone + No Talent = Sanjaya Malakar

Oh, Baby, Baby

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Chris Crocker is going to go ballistic when he hears this! A judge has ordered that Britney Spears turn over custody of her two boo-boos to ex-husband Kevin Federline this week. Wowie zowie. And we thought that MTV Video Music Award performance was rough. In previous Brit Brit news, she was ordered to undergo random drug and alcohol testing twice a week as part of her ongoing custody dispute with K-Fed. No word on if the two are related, at this point.

We Don't Think They're Ready for This Jelly

(AP Photo/Stephen Chernin)

Was Beyonce not willing to cover up for her first concert in Malaysia? According to Knowles' agency, she canceled the show "due to a scheduling conflict." However, she will instead perform in neighboring Indonesia, whose government doesn't demand that female performers cover their bods from their shoulders down to their knees. Hmmm. This sounds more like a "wardrobe conflict" to us.

"Dancing" with the Ladies

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

How annoying. ABC has divided the season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars" into two parts, well, three if you count Wednesday's results show, or four if you count our planned purging session on Thursday. Tomorrow night, the guys will do their thang. Last night, the female celebrities twirled in the spotlight.

Marie Osmond and Dr. Quinn's routines reminded us of our mom getting her groove on at a wedding reception. Kelly from "90210" and Scary Spice were scarily average. The worst, however, was probably Josie Maran, who'll probably be voted off because, well, who is Josie Maran? Luckily, the popping and locking of "Cheetah Girl" Sabrina Bryan made "Dancing with the Stars" feel like an episode of "So You Think You Can Dance," which is to say she made the show worth watching.

Step One: Put Your Emmy in the Box

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Here's what The Slug wants to know: Will Saturday Night Live's you-know-what "in a Box" be performed at the Emmys? In this story about Kathy Griffin being naughty during her Emmy acceptance speech, AP television writer Lynn Elber says that Andy Samberg hasn't been asked yet. Meanwhile, the academy says that "show elements are in the process of being worked out." Seriously? While the academy might not be ready for Sept. 16 just yet, we here at The Slug are 'cause — just like last year — we'll be liveblogging the ceremony live from the shag carpet in our living room. In the meantime, tide yourself over with this asap podcast about this year's Best Original Music contenders.

MTV VMAs: Gimme a Barf Bag

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

Yes, we saw Britney Spears' MTV Video Music Award performance. Yes, we thought it was horrrrendously bad. But really? What did you expect? Madonna? A duet with Justin Timberlake? Actual singing? Abs? The Slug is afraid that the art of the super-staged award-show comeback is dead. Thanks, Brit Brit. You can throw all the fantasy suites, unnecessary glowing tables, collaborations, Rhapsody ads and Miss Teen South Carolina cameos you want at us, but we still don't think the VMAs are must-see TV anymore. Sorry.

Bringing M.C. Hammer Down

(AP Photo/Olga Shalygin)

When The Slug was just a lil' worm, like everyone else in the early '90s, we loved us some M.C. Hammer. We were "2 Legit 2 Quit." We had to "Pray" just to make it to today. And we loved nothing more than to "Turn This Mutha Out." Despite all that, we often wonder what time is Hammer Time? Apparently, it's 8:15 p.m.