The Slug

"Survivor: China" Cover-Up

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

Looks like we no longer have to wonder why undies are being blurred out by CBS on "Survivor: China." Jeff Probst didn't mention it, but the castaways showed up to last night's immunity challenge —  the first swimming competition of the season — wearing previously unseen swim wear. The Slug guesses the producers simply tossed the contestants their suits to put on before the challenge. Do you think that's fair? And what about the tribal switcheroo? Was it right to force the teams to trade their strongest players? Poor Aaron and James!

We Don't Think They're Ready for This Jelly

(AP Photo/Stephen Chernin)

Was Beyonce not willing to cover up for her first concert in Malaysia? According to Knowles' agency, she canceled the show "due to a scheduling conflict." However, she will instead perform in neighboring Indonesia, whose government doesn't demand that female performers cover their bods from their shoulders down to their knees. Hmmm. This sounds more like a "wardrobe conflict" to us.

"Survivor: China" Goes Below the Belt

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

The most shocking thing about the premiere of "Survivor: China" last Thursday wasn't the Buddhist welcoming ceremony, Chicken's dismissal, the fact that this season is set in China or that the castaways were stranded in just the clothes they had on. No, The Slug was most alarmed that CBS blurred the underwear of Zhan Hu tribe member Erik Huffman, the curly-haired musician from Nashville. What gives? None of the other skivvy-wearing castaways received a blur.

Sure, "Survivor" has censored plenty of butt cracks and nipple slips from scantily clad contestants over the years, but this incident didn't seem to fall into either category. When The Slug asked a CBS spokeswoman why they blur his shorts, she said, "I don’t know for sure but probably a wardrobe malfunction." Really? Judging from the publicity photo above, Huffman's undies don't even have a trapdoor. First reward challenge should probably feature pants as a prize.

You Guys Have to See "The Bachelor"

(AP Photo/HO/ABC/Karen Neal)

The eleventh season of ABC's "The Bachelor" is looking more like "I Love Flavor of Rock of New York" — or whatever those VH1 reality dating shows are called. That's because the first episode, which debuts Sept. 24, features female contestants who have webbed toes, sing horribly off-key, bend themselves into impressive pretzels or go swimming while everyone else is in formal wear. They're a far cry from Pumpkin, Hoopz and Buckee, but they are the strangest bachelorette batch yet.

"Bachelor" Brad Womack, who's referred to as THE SEXIEST "BACHELOR" EVER multiple times, isn't exempt from the oddness. He continually calls his females suitors "you guys." After meeting the ladies, Womack says, "You guys have far exceeded my expectations." Yes, we know it's just an expression, but it's still a bizarre thang to say to a group of women. We won't be DVRing this "Bachelor," but we are curious to see a future episode where B.Wo will switch places with his twin brother to trick "you guys."

MTV VMAs: Gimme a Barf Bag

(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

Yes, we saw Britney Spears' MTV Video Music Award performance. Yes, we thought it was horrrrendously bad. But really? What did you expect? Madonna? A duet with Justin Timberlake? Actual singing? Abs? The Slug is afraid that the art of the super-staged award-show comeback is dead. Thanks, Brit Brit. You can throw all the fantasy suites, unnecessary glowing tables, collaborations, Rhapsody ads and Miss Teen South Carolina cameos you want at us, but we still don't think the VMAs are must-see TV anymore. Sorry.

"America's Player" Got No Game

(AP Photo/HO/CBS)

The Slug's had enough of this "America's Player" twist on "Big Brother 8." We were against Eric as our minion from the outset. Sure, he started to win us over this summer, but we're totally off "Team America" after Eric cried in the Diary Room, dissed our favoritest "Big Brother" player ever and bizarrely pushed Jessica's face with his hand while he jostled his tongue in her throat during last night's episode. Gross. Isn't all this stuff worth a penalty nomination or something?

New "Bachelor" Includes Facial Hair

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Ladies and cowboys, feast your eyes on the new "Bachelor." His name is Brad Womack, if you're interested in stalking his MySpace and Facebook profiles. Unlike clean-cut geek "Officer and Gentleman" Andy Baldwin, this Texas stud's got stubble and, according to an ABC press release, owns four bars. You know what that probably means: lots of drunken revelry and the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. You'd think ABC would've caught on and cast someone who resembles this guy.

"Age of" Ugh

(AP Photo/HO/NBC)

Sigh. We had such high hopes for NBC's "Age of Love" — or should we say low hopes, you know, the so-trashy-it's-a-guilty-pleasure kinda hopes. Unfortunately, this "kittens-vs.-cougars" dating show didn't even feature a meeting of the mammals. Instead, we got lots and lots of awkward introductions. ("I'm originally form Hawaii. I was born in 1967, and that makes me 40," bachelorette Lynn said in one breath. Ummm, who introduces themselves like that?!) And we're undecided on whether Mark Philippoussis is actually a hunk or just a mouthbreather. When does "Big Brother" come back, again?

"Fantastic" View

(AP Photo/Derrik J. Lang)

For the past few weeks, on our way to work here at AP World Headquarters in New York, we've been passing by this billboard for "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer," which opens today. We're more excited for the second season of "Heroes" than this superhero sequel. But the reason we're bringing this up is because we really don't think the Invisible Woman should have tolerated where The Thing's been sticking his rocky head this whole time. How rude!

Bruce Willis Goes There

(AP Photo/HO/Vanity Fair/Annie Leibovitz)

A rugged and big-headed-lookin' Bruce Willis is gracing the June cover of Vanity Fair. (Wait a sec. Wasn't Demi Moore just on the cover, too?) In case you hadn't heard amid the hullabaloo over superheroes and pirates, "Live Free and Die Hard" (or "Die Hard 4," as we like to call it) is hitting theaters this summer. So, after all these years, does Willis still got it? He doesn't think so, at least when it comes to media attention. What does he blame for his lack of press coverage? Naked vaginas, of course. Here's what he told the magazine:

“They’re not writing about guys my age much anymore, unless I do something naughty. They’re writing about the kids. That’s what drives the pop culture now. Anything goes, to the point when if it’s OK for young pop stars or film stars to show photos of their naked vaginas in a magazine, then it’s over, man."