The Slug

"Dancing with the" Most Shocking Elimination

(AP Photo/HO/ABC)

Wow. The Slug didn't see that coming. On one hand, we're TOTALLY SHOCKED about Sabrina Ryan's dismissal on "Dancing with the Stars." Obviously, she was consistently the best "celebrity" dancer on the show. On the other hand, enough seasons of "American Idol" have made us jaded enough to know that these talent competitions are merely popularity contests, which is ultimately a shame. We're thinking it's probably time for Cameron Mathison to pull out at that thong. Otherwise, he's a goner.

Happy Halloween from The Slug!

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It's the day we've been excited about and/or dreading for months! Today is both Halloween and the death of our pimp: asap, The Associated Press' premium multimedia news service. Celebrate this bizarre day with this YouTube link to Tim Curry's performance from "The Worst Witch." For those of us privileged enough to have had HBO back in the 1980s, you can't deny you squealed fervently every time this came on.

Favoritiest TV Show Finales

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In honor of asap's ending, The Slug would like to present our three favoritest series finales. Instead of selecting cliffhangers, we only chose shows that wrapped up their series accordingly. Sorry, "Twin Peaks" and "Models Inc." We loved your conclusions, but you just didn't do that. Here's who did.

"Roseanne." Just when we began to forget that Roseanne Barr was totally bananas, she ended her sitcom with a wordy monologue revealing that the last few seasons — arguably, the worst — were actually fiction penned by Roseanne Connor in her basement. That Roseanne! She could even make our jaw drop at the very last moment.

"Six Feet Under." What better way to end a show than to kill off every major character? In a montage set to Sia Furler's "Breath Me," the fates of the Fisher and Diaz families were revealed in creepy flashforwards featuring everyone's death. Those last few minutes were just like the previous five seasons: tragic, beautiful and totally morbid.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Yes, the whole "empowering young women everywhere" thing was slightly trite — as was needlessly killing off a few key characters. However, nothing could be more awesome than the destruction of the Hellmouth, which leveled the entire town of Sunnydale, right up to the cheesy "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign.

"Dancing with the Stars" Goes Off-Beat

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Wow. The "Dancing with the Stars" judges were really nice considering the ballroom was littered with missteps (and farts, apparently) last night. Despite some highly entertaining routines, The Slug spotted boo-boos from Sabrina Ryan, Cameron Mathison, Jennie Garth and Marie Osmond. What are they gonna do when they have to learn two dances in one week!? Hmmm. We suspect Jane Seymour and Helio Castroneves will be in the bottom two tonight — with "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" being dismissed.

"The Amazing Race" is Still Redonkulously Fun

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"The Amazing Race" is still, well, amazing. Spoiler alert! The Slug just finished watching a screener for the 12th season premiere, which follows the 11 teams from Los Angeles to Ireland. This year's race begins at the Playboy Mansion. Naturally, our favoritest team is Kynt and Vyxsin, a goth couple from Kentucky. Yes, they're slightly bizarre — but they're also lovable and totally underestimated by their competitors.

Of course, it wouldn't be "The Amazing Race" without a bickering couple. This year there are two: Jennifer and Nathan and Lorena and Jason. The best moment of the first episode is a challenge where the contestants must lead donkeys along the Irish countryside. One of the more annoying teams mercilessly suffers with an extremely stubborn ass. We promise you'll be braying with delight at their misfortune.

Loose Ends

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Look out! asap's endingstravaganza has begun! The Associated Press' premium multimedia news service is nearing its final hour with content all about conclusions. Online now, you can find a list of great literary outcomes, a story about the death of indie rock, an essay discussing the end of a meal and videos about the finales of wars and movies. Stay tuned. Later today, The Slug will reveal our favoritest TV finales.

Changing the Channel

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Most fall TV shows have either settled into their timeslots or disappeared altogether. (Bye, "Nashville" and "Viva Laughlin"!) This season, The Slug's digital video recorder has been so heavily weighed down with new and returning programming that we've had to toss a few overboard to keep chugging along. Here's the four shows we've downgraded on our DVR so far this season. Oh, in case you were wondering, we never started recording "Cane," "Big Shots" or "Life" in the first place. 

"Prison Break." Two episodes of that Panamanian hell house were enough for us! Everything that happened during the first two seasons to the Schofield brothers was seemingly dropped, so The Slug decided to invest our time in new shows instead of staying locked up with the twists and turns of "Prison Break."

"Journeyman." Technically, we're still DVRing this "Quantum Leap" look-a-like so we can catch every second of the "Heroes" preview, but we not actually watching Kevin McKidd bounce around the 20th century anymore. We love the oh-so-moody opening credits of "Journeyman." The plots that follow 'em? Not so much.

"Moonlight." Will that human reporter and vampire private investigator ever get together? We'll never know because somewhere around the third episode, it dawned on us that "Moonlight" didn't feature enough of "Veronica Mars" alum Jason Dohring — and it's possibly the most boring vampire show ever. Yes, even moreso than "Dark Shadows."

"Bionic Woman." This one pains us the most because it was one of our favoritest pilots from the new fall TV season. Unfortch, "Bionic Woman" has lost her momentum over the course of the first five episodes. The dialogue is clunky. The action is  slow. And her kid sister is more annoying than Dawn from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" ever was.

And On the Seventh Day There Was "24"

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You'll have to sit through a gushy introduction from Kiefer Sutherland — and probably an annoying DirectTV ad — to see the trailer for the seventh season of "24." However, it's totally worth it because this is gonna be the best day yet. (Yes, we say that every season.) Looks like not-dead Tony Almeida will be the villain du jour, which should make for more drama than Jack's dad ever did.

Unfortch, there were only two brief blink-and-miss-them glimpses of Bill Buchanan and Chloe O'Brien. We're worried they may not figure too heavily into the plot since CTU has been dissolved. Meanwhile, new cast member Janeane Garofalo was absent from the teasefest altogether. Whatev. We're such suckers 'cause we'll be there for the two-night Jan. 13 premiere, anyway.

J.Lo Explodes On "Dancing with the Stars"

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Explosions. Glitter. Backup dancers. Big hair. Strobe lights. And lots of dangling fabric. There was so much stuff happening during Jennifer Lopez's performance on "Dancing with the Stars: The Results" last night, it's as if the "international superstar" was trying to hide something! Oh, and it's too bad about Mark Cuban getting voted off. We kinda liked the big lunk, but the judges were right. He really wasn't improving, despite his best efforts. Unlike previous seasons, we really have no clue who the Final Two will be this time.

"Heroes" is Shockingly Bland

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Wow. Last night's "Heroes" episode really sucked. Not even the introduction of the totally amazing Kristen Bell as electrifying new character Elle could save that plodding and dull chapter. Nobody did anything interesting! Hiro spent the whole episode recapping his feudal exploits, which weren't that enthralling to begin with. Monica and Micah went to the playground. The playground!? Mohinder frustratingly acted out of character. Peter Petrelli opened up his boring box. And Parkman's father turned out to be ... not that scary. Please, please, please don't let this be a helixed sign of things to come. If so, we'd like Sylar and Maya to return and make everyone else ooze black goo. For more speculation on "Heroes," zap over to this AP video.